1 to 100 | 101 to 200 | 201 to 300 | 301 to 400 | 401 to 500
501 to 600 | 601 to 700 | 701 to 800 | 801 to 900 | 901 to 1000

1 to 100Edit

1 Marten: "Hey, Pintsize, I'm Home." (Marten Reed, Pintsize the AnthroPC) ["TEH" T-shirt][Re-done for the book Questionable Content Volume 1]

2 What does Pintsize do when Marten's not home? (Calculate prime numbers, run SETI screensaver) "Three-hour conversations about the latest Intel chipsets are enough to make me spew my RAM all over the place." [Re-done for QCV1]

3 Steve and Marten at the bar (Faye enters in the background)[Re-done for QCV1]

4 Faye introduces herself ("If I sense any lusting, I will stab you and poop in the wound."

5 Faye meets Pintsize: "OH MY GOD CUTEST THING EVAR!"

6 Faye: "I'm still right here, you know." (Gah, Dammit!) [Re-done for QCV1]

7 Faye: "I don't NEED to fake it to look good" (meanwhile Steve is pwning Pintsize on the Playstation... because Pintsize has no thumbs.)

8 Pintsize: "Faye is nice. Is she going to be your girlfriend now?"

9 Sara the Barista [first scene at Coffee of Doom]

10 Faye the Barista (!) [The first "specials of the day" we see on the board: Rockin' Latte, Black Metal Mocha, Emospresso, Electroclash Frappe; "Tip Us or We Will Kill Again"]

11 Pintsize: "Wait, I'm supposed to be HELPING?" (compare to 1292)

12 Phone call from Mom.

13 Faye's first punch

14 The Irony Café (advertise vegan food, serve steaks, lobsters & chicken)

15 Unhappy Vegan, Irony Café Server, and a fresh lobster...

16 Concert-Goers:

• One-man Mosh Pit

• Chatterboxes

• Fashion Whore

• Frontline Soldier

17 Faye's poop obsession

18 "No poo-poo on the pee-pee"

19 Roll of quarters. Laundry Night! Heh. (busted)

20 Pintsize's Cake Mix fetish

21 Head jokes give Marten a head-ache.

22 Faye burns down her apartment (with a toaster?) …and moves in with Marten

23 Faye: "Sending (my mother) into little fits of hysteria is my way of saying "I love you'."

24 The Very First QC GUEST STRIP (James Wheeler): Marten and Steve debate KOTR

25 New haircut, and sleeping arrangements... and Pintsize is earning Faye's wrath

26 Indie Cred and buying clothes at the Gap

27 Beating up Emo Bands

28 Faye discovers who Sara's "crush" is (oops, it's Marten!)

29 Sara: "That means I still have to work up the guts to ask him out."

30 Sara has an epiphany (and it's not Marten)

31 Comparing a CD seal to a bra?

32 Marten (to Steve): "You're thinking of asking her out, aren't you."

33 Pintsize delivers the info on the QT.

34 Look on the bright side: you were spared something, perhaps?

35 The Alphabet Trick, an Apple Catalog, and a can of WD-40?

36 Painkillers and Faye's defenestration.

37 Jimbo The Redneck!

38 Get this party STARTED!

39 Halloween 2003 [Faye: Shelley from Scary Go Round; Marten: Gabe from Penny Arcade; Steve: Sam from Sam & Fuzzy; Sara: Jade from PvP; and Red Robot from Diesel Sweeties]

40 "I'll fall down otherwise." (Faye leans on Marten)

41 Faye falls down on the second couch and notices Marten's behind

42 Drink will make a girl say ridiculous things.

43 iPods vs. AnthroPC's (Pintsize LOVES "Crazy Train")

44 Pintsize doesn't do well with babies (tried to find the "off switch")

45 Apple Store Guy

46 Hot Topic Goth Chick gets Faye's wrath [Jeph has intimated that this is Raven's first appearance]

47 Two coffee spit-takes on two bodily function jokes!

48 Thanksgiving with your family? No, they drive me insane. They drive me crazy.

49 Underwear Ninja!

50 Bra Pirate!

51 Final Fantasy's secret [Re-done for QCV1]

52 Marten buys a guitar

53 Faye shows she knows her axes (learned from a guy in HS who was trying to get her nekkid – obviously not Kenny Wallace)

54 You're being sarcastic again, aren't you?

55 Marten's past (left behind friends and family to chase a girl, ended up "here")

56 Deerhoof and Pandas!

57 Faye makes a cake – and Pintsize lusts after it

58 "It was SO worth the massive motherboard damage."

59 Pintsize "backed up"

60 Pintsize's new chassis…

61 …which has a "LASER" (!)

62 "I don't want to have to register you with the Department of Defense..."

63 "I would NEVER... okay, so that was a total lie."

64 2nd Law of Sexual Dynamics ("If you think a girl is attracted to you, you are wrong.") [Re-done for QCV1]

65 Sara tags along (and meets Steve)

66 Sara and Steve are getting along; Marten has "liquid testicles"

67 Faye breaks her glasses!

68 Magical Vision Fairies guided me.

69 She tests her depth perception the only way she knows how.

70 Existentialism and the AnthroPC

71 Nietzsche would have approved. (NIETZSCHE IS DEAD!)

72 Failure, Pavement and broke-up bands

73 Faye's killer death gas

74 Marten: "Whenever you say something nice about me, I always end up getting punched."

75 We meet Dora (and Dora already starts hitting on Marten)

76 Bearded Indie Boys (and Marten can't grow one)

77 Faye: "Heehee, she completely has a crush on you so bad."

78 Dora tells Mieville about the "dashing young man" she met

79 Marten: "Look, there is no way that Dora can possibly be interested in me." Faye: "I am certain there are plenty of girls who are attracted to you, and you just don't know it yet." (GIRLVANA!)

80 Pintsize asks: Who's cuter? (That is what a 404 error feels like.)

81 Faye: "I am looking forward to making coffees and sassing lascivious customers... Dora made (the DA) cry like a little boy."

82 Dora provides us with her first Specials of the Day note: WE ARE SURLY BECAUSE YOU SUCK!

83 Dora: "I might (be interested), were it not for a certain gal who is either being extremely protective of him or entertaining her own secret designs."

84 Dora hits on Marten. "Remind me, which of you is the evil twin of the other?"

85 Marten is "The Office Bitch". (It even says it on his business card.)

86 Scott, Marten's boss (name per Jeph); company is InsureTech – "We Are Better!" Company therapist is the bottle of bourbon Scott keeps in his desk

87 Scott: "Think with your heart, not with your (other body parts)."

88 Faye's ready to kick ass!

89 Faye covers herself

90 Pintsize walks on the ceiling.

91 Steve's coming over – and Pintsize gives Marten the least erotic hickey Faye's ever seen.

92 Pintsize wants to join in the boozing!

93 The first reference to Midnight Hobo bourbon (Winner gets the toilet, loser gets the sink!)

94 Steve mentions he's no longer seeing Sara (something about a cubist painting…)

95 Charlie Brown/Football reference FTW! (Faye being Lucy in this case…)

96 Faye reveals she's from Georgia (which explains the Southern accent when she's drunk)

97 So what made you move up north? "It was a buncha things, like my mom bein' all over-protective an' stuff." (ambiguous, semi-platonic statements)

98 Songs about lost pancakes

99 "You are as perceptive as I am drunk."

100 Marten accidentally walks in on Faye changing [NOTE: no scar was present]

101 to 200Edit

101 Dora weighs in on this "accident"

102 Raven appears (still very gothy)

103 Dora's getting tired of the goth scene

104 Steve distracts Marten with his boxers!

105 Dora gets a gift from mom (Swedish "gift store"?)

106 Officially see name of the shop on the window (COFFEE OF DOOM) as Faye chases Dora through the store

107 Marten lays the sass down on Faye and Dora

108 Dora flashes Marten! (and we see Dora's tattoo)

109 "Lake of Fire Ass!"

110 Dora has to do laundry (and Marten has had too much innuendo today)

111 Indie Rock Couplet!

112 CONTROL-ALT-DELETE! (doesn't seem to work for AnthroPC's)

113 Faye kidnaps Dora to have fun…

114 …and ends up locking her out of her apartment.

115 Dora meets Pintsize, and the Insult Wars begin anew

116 How to behave with a girl who's more metal than you

117 Sleeping arrangements

118 Pillow Talk between Dora and Faye (can't hear you zzzzz snoring so hard)

119 Faye snores! Dora Farts! ("I slept well.")

120 Admit a flaw, or punch you?

121 The LANpark (a dog-walk for AnthroPC's)

122 Ellninerr (L9R) gets a see-thru torso

123 Sigur Ros and AnthroPC owner chat

124 A near-reveal on the part of Faye – interrupted due to a laser blast

125 Robotic Annihilation Insurance

126 The Theory of Hipster Relativity! (The popularity of a band is directly inverse to the quality of its music; ergo, the best band in the world does not exist.)

127 Paying the rent or going to the mall? Mall wins!

128 Faye goes to the mall

129 Why Faye does not use contractions

130 …unless she's drunk.

131 Faye's scar

132 Dora and Raven – again; "Tell them I overdosed on black hair dye and died. I came back from the dead to feast on the stupidity* of the living." (Totally awesome. Can that really happen?) "You're making me hungry, Raven." [* - This line was changed in QCV1]

133 Dora visits Faye and Marten

134 Marten the D&D nerd in high school

135 GUEST STRIP (Stirling McLaughlin): Pintsize's JavaSmell

136 Someone was caught staring at Martin's behind...

137 ...and Marten is totally oblivious!

138 Faye intends to convert Dora to Indie ways

139 The Lemon Dress

140 Daily Cleansing Rituals

141 Dora listens to Flaming Lips

142 Dora and Faye are having fun; Underwear Monopoly?

143 Dora got too much sun

144 "Mrs. Robinson" (Dora's 26)

145 "An 8600 in a stock chassis" (kind of AnthroPC that Pintsize is); Dora the computer nerdette

146 Kisses and butt grabs all around! (Not for Pintsize, though)

147 Faye freaks at Dora touching her bottom… just as Special Agent Turing drops by from the Robotics Defense Agency of the US Government. Turns out Pintsize is a M-31 Battlefield Robot Chassis accidentally sent to the local Best Buy [Original was done in B/W; "colorized" for QCV1]

148 Faye shows her self-defense moves

149 Dora saves Pintsize by removing his laser

150 "Space Owl" attacked you!

151 Dora "knows" Alan Turing. They went to St. Agnes HS on Sunderland Street (in NoHo); she used to beat him up and take his cigarettes.

152 Pintsize hugs – and what he goes for when he's first turned on...

153 Sara's apparently still working at CoD (last mention by Dora); First time Faye calls Dora "spooky-pants"; Faye the Ice Cream Mercenary!

154 Kentucky Bourbon Milkshake makes Faye sad… (reminds her of Dad)

155 GUEST STRIP (Sam Logan): So much for the dramatic reveal...

156 GUEST STRIP (Brian Carroll): Questionable Puppet Theater

157 GUEST STRIP (Neil Gustavson): Kimberly Miller, Dora's old Goth friend.

158 GUEST STRIP (Aido, Fallen Comic): Faye made a mistake – uploading Raffi songs onto Pintsize!

159 GUEST STRIP (John A, Scary Go Round): Faye and Marten go camping

160 GUEST STRIP (Julie Keene): Dora and Faye play music

161 Faye's parents' sex life; Marten's parents are:

• Mom: A professional dominatrix

• Dad: A gay nightclub owner

162 …and she even has politicians as clients!

163 Pintsize's first CosPlay with hair!

164 Amanda shows up at CoD; Faye's little lesbian sister

165 How mom found out (yep, she walked in on them)

166 AND she swiped mom's credit card! "Did you know that your left ear twitches when you're contemplating tremendous violence? It's kinda cute."

167 Amanda meets Dora (who we discover is bisexual)

168 Steve gets filled in – and Amanda is driving Faye batty

169 Coffee Beans are not comfy.

170 Faye consoles Amanda... and Marten is tactful ("aerodynamically curvaceous")

171 Amanda' girlfriend turns out to be Lil' Sis from Diesel Sweeties!

172 "And I want my ##### Weezer poster back!" And just as Amanda was about to say when Faye last had a boyfriend!

173 Mom's on the phone! "She is more furious than a mother bear whose cub was just sold on eBay, but she does not hate you."

174 Sending her home, staying in the North, full body casts and paying the electric bill.

175 "Vespa into a stop sign" (is that foreshadowing?)

176 AnthroPC RPG: "Trolls and Flame Wars"

177 "I live to serve your self-esteem, oh radiant goddess of utmost beauty." (Ooh! Say that again, but do it without rolling your eyes this time.)

178 Arcade Fire's drummer guy

179 The Weeping Demon bar

180 Jimbo the Romance Novelist!

181 Faye slowly gets fall on the floor drunk while Jimbo and Marten catch up

182 Faye the Drunken Haiku Princess

183 Beeblebrox's Gambit and drunk-logic

184 "I been meanin' to thank you" ZzzzzazzzzzzzzzzZZZZZ

185 The BAM and PUKE incident. "There. Is. No. God."

186 What happened last night? "Gack... can't... breath... must... rephrase... poorly-worded... previous... sentence..."

187 Faye's "Dancing Alligator Underpants"

188 Dora: "...grant him unrestricted access to one of your orifices."

189 Pintsize: "It is hard to get a lady to evaluate to true."

190 HA! Using a contraction no less!

191 Ellen the waitress and Steve's "smooth moves"

192 No phone number for Steve; Schadenfreude and Hostess metaphors.

193 ...and Ellen outmaneuvers him!

194 GUEST STRIP (Rikk Estoban): Skull Panda

195 GUEST STRIP (Brian Carroll): Pintsize fails at uploading himself into Marten.

196 GUEST STRIP (Scott Bevan/Kent Earle): Indie Travelling Wilburys

197 GUEST STRIP (Jason Sigala): Jimbo takes over scripting QC!

198 GUEST STRIP (Yuko "Aido" Ota, Fallen): Pintsize mistakes a microwave for a time machine!

199 GUEST STRIP (Jim Burgess): Trolls and Flame-Wars again?

200 Steve ropes Marten into a double date… with Dora?

201 to 300Edit

201 Faye: "Why is everyone staring at me?"

202 Dora's comment about "Faux Incest"

203 Faye cuts Marten's hair; "...Did you just use a contraction?" (Nathaniel Hawthorne costume?)

204 " all I had to do to gain your trust was place my physical appearance in your hands?"

205 "...This is DORA we're talking about. You may not make it out of the restaurant with your pants intact."

206 Faye: "That stupid toaster!"

207 Spaghetti and meatballs… and severe bleeding

208 Faye goes to the hospital (Faye WHITAKER). ER Nurse offers to get her an "intern for surrogate punching"

209 Doctor and the punching intern

210 Lollipops, stitches, and Pintsize COVERED IN RED? (Oh, just tomato sauce) "...I don't explode cats. It's way too difficult to coax them into the microwave."

211 GUEST STRIP (Stirling McLaughlin): Faye doesn't do AnthroPC's.

212 Pintsize has a "chemical spectrometer linked to a holding tank in his torso"… which then leaks out.

213 Faye needs help with her... jeans?

214 Why such tight clothing?

215 The Double Date (and Saran Wrap Fashion Faux Pas)

216 "Taking two different girls to the hospital two nights in a row wouldn't look shady at all." [Old apartment number was "8"]

217 Dora's apartment (first time we see her without black clothing!)

218 Ellen comments on Dora's "boyish figure" (Foot in mouth for an hors d'ourvere?)

219 Ellen majoring in Marine Biology, minor in philosophy ("reading Derrida to Moray Eels")

220 Faye gets a little testy

221 Ellen doesn't like sushi

222 The guys go to the bathroom together?

223 Steve kicks Marten under the table (sign: "Get out of here so I can get my mack on, or bad things will happen.") "I don't know how he got the scorpions in the mattress…"

224 Dora: "Did Ellen seem a little… young to you?" Ellen (to Steve)"…uh, not after next Tuesday…" (she's only 17)

225 Dora invites Marten in to her "lair"

226 Dora grills Marten about Faye

227 Saying Faye has issues is like saying Antarctica is slightly chilly. (Mieville sneaks into the scene)

228 "Doesn't being your friend give me ass-grabbing privileges?"

229 "Too nice for my own good."

230 Nuniverse!

231 Ellen "got into college early." Steve is "Honest, sweet, intelligent and completely crass."

232 Faye: "The Godless North"

233 Why didn't Dora do anything?

234 Cyber Cybersex (Pintsize and awesomePC1998)

235 Sorry I didn't mention about the age...

236 "You're so pathetic, some girl is bound to take pity on you eventually."

237 Dora: "I'm actually a platinum blonde!"

238 The OMG Turkeys make their debut! (2004)

239 Dora prefers being dark-haired, and it was a "just friends" date.

240 "Our culture doesn't get smarter, it just finds new ways of being retarded"

241 The Mandatory Winger Reference ("She's only seventeen/she gives you love like you've never seen…")

242 Ellen stops by CoD

243 Shower massaging Faye

244 Moray Eels and Gag reflexes

245 Dora: "Helmet have been gentrified. Good Lord do I ever feel old right now."

246 Pintsize blows himself! ("These pipes are clean!") Marten: "I'm 0 for 1 in practicing what I preach."

247 Get people to pay to sneer at them

248 Natasha appears (Ellen's roommate) – "Being filthy is WAY hardcore!"

249 Ellen is six years younger (that means Steve is 24); Nat: "…Guitarist BLED on me!"

250 The seed of doubt…

251 Cute pouty girl Dora!

252 Marten's ex-GF Vicky shows up at COD!


253 Yes, he's from Cali ("I swear, it's like I'm telling my life story to Statler and Waldorf.")

254 Happy Relationship Paranoia

255 "Life-altering decisions should never be made while drunk, dummy."

256 Sold his stuff for a place of his own

257 Dora: "No murdering customers in the store"

258 Faye gives Vicky a milk bath!

259 Faye the Milk Ninja!

260 Steve meets Natasha

261 Nat: "Hard to make out if his head pops off…"

262 She's a virgin

263 ConquistaPorn!

264 Faye the Avenger; "A wheel of cheddar to the skull, a slab of gouda to the groin. Truly, (dairy) is the deadliest of the food groups."

265 Indie-rock band death pool!

266 Faye's Vision Quest (Was one of your parents a mole rat or something?)

267 Pintsize catches a Virus

268 AnthroPC safety diagnostics; The virus might have wiped out his memory! [Note on the fridge: The ham is not for you!]

269 Personality Module loaded! (Aaaand he's back to normal...)

270 "I learned that it is never a good idea to download SNES ROM's off of shady websites." (Metayphysical discussion and AnthroPC's)

271 Faye goes shopping for glasses

272 "I wear glasses because I think they look nice... Sometimes a cigar really is just a cigar..."

273 Velma – the sex goddess?

274 She got him at "huh buh duh wha?"

275 Hobocore!

276 Marten majored in Music History & Critical Theory

277 Faye was the Art Major, emphasis in sculpture

278 Steve & Ellen haven't done "The Secret Booty-Dance" yet!

279 Raven turns Indie/Emo!

280 Movin', movin', movin'… (Talking to the appliances)

281 Pintsize wants a castle!

282 144 Dwight Street, Northampton (Ellen and Natasha's building) – too Friends-esque?

283 Steve's gotta see a girl about some food

284 Hiring Raven

285 Faye: "Never underestimate the diuretic powers of coffee." [A customer actually speaks!]

286 Doctor Seuss does emo

287 Marten meets Raven

288 Moving in ("Steady job, good references, unlikely to molest other tenants.")

289 "I am the Hope diamond of hipster girls." (You mean you're cursed?)

290 The "Cave of Twenty Asses"

291 Faye: "Are you sure you're not goth anymore?"

292 Marten: "...My computer has more active love life than me." (Faye's drink of choice: "Midnight Hobo", mixed in old oil drums)

293 Dora: "Murder is not the answer. You always suggest that." (to Mieville)

294 Tolerance of a mole rat (Dora); "...Miss watching (Faye) slowly dissolve into a pool of pure ethanol?"

295 Blueberry Boat, Fiery Furnaces

296 Fun with Steve and Ellen (Murphy's Law of Sex)

297 Ellen is a bit noisy

298 Dora self-medicating with alcohol. Faye: "Ignore the fact that I am a pot calling your kettle-butt black…"

299 "Commiserating in you commissary"; Ridicule Hat! [END OF QCV1]

300 The furtive Secret Booty Dance (278)

301 to 400Edit

301 "It's so nice to be treated as an adult instead of some stupid teenager." (alcoholic porcupine)

302 Jerkcity poster in the kitchen!

303 Pintsize "gets laid"! Ellen: "The university has a couple of AnthroPC's for the library. They make fun of you if you try to get actual work done on them."

304 Ellen talks about Connect Four and Octopi; Marten: "I found Jesus. Turns out he was in the kitchen this whole time."

305 "You were joking?"

306 Southern Doom-metal, Eye candy, Emaciated Slide Rules and Flying Indie-boys in NASA

307 Faye's Scar – the explanation: Bad car accident, wrapped her car around a tree. Dora makes first obscure reference to Sven (her "older brother" dared her to moon a dog – and it bit her in the butt)

308 Outsarcasmed!

309 Promise to Faye

310 Duct Tape Pintsize! (Duct tape was supposed to be the "Fourth Law of Robotics")

311 Menstrual Discussion plan (when you became my friend); "$15.99 a month and you'll get the Digestive Issues Bulletin package!"

312 Apartment manager Lorena Torres

313 It's a corner apartment, lot of room and windows

314 Pintsize and a Great Dane

315 Apartment 25

316 Incontinent kitten: Endearing, but you don't want it on top of you.

317 Metal boyfriends, intelligence and the Socratic Method

318 Confusion, Lust and Uncertainty Triangle; Rhombus of Rejection! Or is it non-Euclidean Geometry?

319 Marten: "That's the cheat code to turn God Mode on."

320 Matin plumage!

321 GUEST STRIP (Mitch Clem): Rap's been getting pretty big in Indie Circles lately.

322 The Aloof Sneer of the Alpha Female Indie Chick

323 "Do you ever wonder how much of this stuff people actually enjoy, and how much they just think they like because PitchFork or whoever says it was good?"

324 "Nappy McTurtleneck", the Pretentious Record Store Dude

325 Raven's Specials (and Sara makes one last "appearance" – doesn't like Allosaurs?)

326 Gepetto Cafe

327 Equipose and a Southern Faux Pas

328 Sven meets Raven; talk about a Sadomasochistic Hockey League? (The dog that bit Dora in the butt was Mrs. Goldstein's chihuahua.)

329 Faye meets Sven; Dora's mom is Swedish, dad is Italian; dad wanted to name him Joseph after his uncle, but she overruled him.

330 Sven's county music songwriting skillz:

• "You Stole My Heart, You Stole My Dog, But You Ain't Gonna Steal My Chevy"

• "Me an' You and a Gun Rack For Two"

• "Red Neck, White Truck, Blue Jeans"

331 Faye sees Raven's drawings

332 Indie Cred – Marten vs. Sven

333 Faye babysits "Trainee McUselessPants" Raven


335 Emo Dora (Baby Harp Seal on a Down Pillow; Stab Faye?)

336 Faye's called on her bitchiness!

337 Vivanca (Sven's latest conquest); Dora: "NO MORE HITTING ON MY FRIENDS!" (Sven's a year older than Dora) "Jenny Ackerman stopped talking to me in the 11th grade!" Sven: "She spent the 12th grade in the back of my car…"

338 Doing the Robot thing (The contractions disappear when Faye's upset)

339 awesomePC1998 wasn't a lady, he was all MAN, man! (sorry, Pintsize…)

340 Faye: Shoot me now before I metaphor again! (Faye goes emo!)

341 Caveat Amplexus.

342 Marten: "Really? Sweet, let's bang!"

343 Raven really was cowering in back. And ignore those phone calls from PETA.

344 Brainful o'Issues with new Oedipal Marshmallow bits!

Nietzsche O's – one bite and you'll believe God is dead.

345 Back to her usual sassy self... but no hugs.

346 The concept of a little gay robot couple is unbearably adorable.

347 Gender is set in software itself of APC's; Faye is on "coitus hiatus."

348 "Fiery electromagnetic Destroyosaurs"

349 Moping and power ballads!

350 Faye is having body issues; Faye: "There are no save points when it comes to ladies."

351 "I must not laugh. Laughter is the Marten killer…"

352 Faye splits seams

353 Chubby Emo Butt

354 "Aww, you'd martyr yourself for the sake of my self-esteem? How sweet."

355 Faye: "Marten, are you gay?" Marten: "Not last time I checked, no." Faye (to mom): "The Peaches are NOT RIPE." Server: "Kidnapping desert with assault and battery sprinkles"

356 Ellen is "propositioned by a porpoise" (okay, actually a dolphin)

357 Raven changes (again)

358 Faye gets ironic

359 Café Bang-bang (new Tapas place on Elm)

360 Customer hits on Dora; "Reflexive Tense Misuse!"

361 Horribly Off-Key Street Musician (playing Dylan badly and drinking Mad Dog 20/20)

362 Guys hitting on Dora

363 Raven makes a near fatal mistake: Surprise Hug and Tickle Attack!

364 Faye apologizes for flipping Raven? (Dora and Raven tag tickle her!)

365 Faye is the porchlight to Marten's Moth.

366 Waiter at Café Bang-bang is Amir! Nat recognized him; she kicked his tooth out at a concert.

367 Hardcore vs. Indie concerts

368 Apocalyptica and covers of other bands with different instruments

369 Ice Cream Indie Metaphor.

370 "Dora Fro!" Raven's hair gel is… AstroGlide?

371 Mandatory "Head Banging" pun.

372 Lubey Junk

373 What the tip jar is for (Pizza!); Red Period, Blue Period

374 Pizza Girl to the rescue! (Penelope?) Dora and Marten's "matching" hairstyle

375 Customer – the "prototype" for Angus?

376 Blodwyn Raven (Pritchard; Raven hates her first name); Welsh for "girl who gets made fun of all the time"

377 Dora sets up her server for Marten

378 Marten gets ASSertive with Faye! …and a fractured skull

379 Five Fingers of Death!

380 "Cynical, calculating and sexy."

381 Life condensed by cardboard (moving out of the Blue Apartment)

382 "Solid Snake" reference; It's illegal to put AnthroPC's up for sale online, like toxic waste and nukes

383 Last night on this couch? Oh, that's right… I can haz bed plz?

384 You don't ask Pintsize to help move.

385 The tight terrycloth shorts.

386 Dora: "You know how animals can sense a tsunami before it hits? I'm like that with sexy things."

387 "Sonic hip attack!"

388 Moving in and "the motor oil incident"

389 Not much to move (Esoteric monks who brew their own beer)

390 Do you REALLY want Natasha in your apartment?

391 "You're starting to think like a woman!"

392 Ellen rips on Nat behind her back to Amir (makes up for 260)

393 Marten: "Arranging furniture is easy when you're fortified with alcohol." Steve "deflowered their lavatory"

394 Ellen doesn't do Indie

395 Steve's dad has been married and divorced what, four times?

396 Get a BED!

397 Mieville peed in Dora's sneakers

398 Dora: "…you could always start sleeping with Marten… I'll start sleeping with him, you take my bed." Mieville bites toes while asleep

399 Pizza Girl orders a Double Mocha; "Is the Chinese Delivery Man spreading lies about me again?" (Stan Lee is spinning in his grave – if he wasn't still alive)

400 Successful mattress shopping; "Oh, sure, and the Declaration of Independence might have implied that the colonists were slightly miffed with King George."

401 to 499Edit

401 Pintsize hiding from bed delivery guys; "They think I assassinated Kennedy… the MTV VeeJay."

402 Pintsize's "list" (#472 is his favorite)

403 Rabbit Food and Viking Berserkers

404 Faye uses the phone number of the Gay Nightclub on Pleasant as a "fake"

405 GUEST STRIP (Little Gamers): Marten talks to the carafe?

406 GUEST STRIP (Scott Bevan & Kent Earle): Took the wrong nuts.


408 GUEST STRIP (Jason Sigala): Jimbo's at it again (Dora/Amanda slashfic!)

409 GUEST STRIP (Mitch Klem): Dream, dream, dream on (Though that middle one sounds plausible…)

410 Raven's Tattoo (Kanji for "Princess")

411 Faye is the dragon protecting Marten's Castle (especially if she's had Indian food)

412 Pintsize goes British!

413 Dora comes over [Note on door: DANGER: OUTSIDE WORLD LIES BEYOND THIS DOOR]

414 How much is Pintsize being goofy, and how much is it really a commentary on US society?

415 Dora takes his bowler hat; "Guard your Bosoms" (which Dora does for Faye!)

416 Dora: "…We like the fact that we can actually horse around with you a little bit without having to fear for our lives."; and then, Marten realizes something…

417 Faye decides to decorate her room; Pintsize: "Dear God, Martha Stewart's blood must never be shed or it will usher in the Apocalypse!

418 "Ladies HATE the voice of reason."

419 Venti Schmenti; they charge a 15% markup for BS faux authentic terms (Dora still has the bowler on, by the way) "We cater to people who like their coffee strong, fair trade and free of soulless corporate pretension. Also through threats and sexy intimidation."

420 Dora's day-glo pink shirt and Mythic Slaughterbeast on the sound system ("Tolkien on PCP")

421 Tube-top Dora; Raven? Getting PAINT? (Interior Design Major?) This is all a dream, right, Faye?

422 Got the paint, but what about the rollers and drop cloths?

423 Raven's lime-green VW Beetle – graduation present from her parents; they're from Houston. Dad's a rocket scientist and Mom's a physicist. She worked at Wal-Mart one summer (and hated it)

424 Shop like Puritans have sex; Raven likes to BEEP!

425 Raven didn't BEEP, and Faye didn't have a bra on when Marten came in!

426 Raven succumbs to the fumes (or is she speaking in tongues?)

427 AnthroPC housewarming party! "I'm not feeling well, I'm gonna go get some tech support." WHAT?

428 AnthroPC jokes!

429 End of the Robodebauchery. Parent who can turn your power switch off.

430 $400 in cash from the robots!

431 Faye (with headscarf): "Marten, there's a satanic librarian at the door; should I let her in or throw some Holy Water while shouting some Hail Marys?" Marten's Mom:"Marty's dad's lawyer tried to do that. I still won the divorce proceedings."

432 Business convention (in Northampton???); his mom called him in sick from work for a week for eating "questionable shellfish" (that might "come up again"). Run-in with child services when he took her bondage gear in for show and tell… Faye's mom just told her dad that she only got to "second base" with Richie Wilson in dad's car…

433 "Miss Reed"; Dad's sock drawer had "Marine Manwich"

434 Dad's name: Henry Reed, owns a nightclub in Miami; theirs was a marriage of convenience. He's been seeing with a "Marcel" for the last couple of years (oops… maybe mom forgot it was "Maurice"?)

435 Dora recognizes Marten's Mom: VERONICA VANCE! "Queen of Bondage and Fetish Erotica for like fifteen years! Like a nouveau Bettie Page." "Oh man, I've seen Marten's mom naked!" (Katamari Damacy theme!)


437 "Bumbling Sweetheart" from Dad

438 Explains Marty & Faye's relationship

439 Lunch with Mom

440 Dora lunch, Faye Dinner

441 Phone set on vibrate... and it was your father, Marty.

442 Dora's from Northampton; used to live in Florida for a while. Marty's been emasculated by a cat?

443 Harem of intelligent hot girls!

444 Raven gets sarcastic

445 The repartee between Dora and Faye ("I'd take your skinny ass out!")

446 Faye has issues over Marty's mom

447 Mom's verdict: Dora's a sweetheart, Faye's your type. Jenny Smith beat him up in Kindergarten… and what's Pintsize doing with a gimp mask?

448 Marten: glorified Kinko's employee

449 Costume party for AnthroPC's?

450 Decorating COD; "Badger to the face" And Therapy.

451 Raven returns with comfy chairs!

452 Bonus points for liking Slayer, but "weird, idiosyncratic pop" doesn't do it for Dora. And start fanning.

453 Woody Allen like Buddha? All life isn't suffering!

454 Raven: "I just figured you were a bitch!"

Faye: "I had a nervous breakdown…

…the scar was from a car accident.

…I had the nervous breakdown while driving the car…"

455 Mom comes in.

456 Delicious Muscle Tissue! (And suddenly, mom's a Vegan.)

457 Steven Tyler (lead singer for Aerosmith) hit on Marten's mom? "Grouper with a bad haircut and a coke habit."

458 Faye's a sculptor. Just moved up here a few months ago (comic time; roughly a couple of months before strip #1)

459 Mom threatens Faye on the order of Hieronymus Bosch

460 Printing her memoirs… Big royalty checks or booty calls?

461 Yes, Veronica is her first name.

462 So, you want to hear the story of my mental breakdown? (NO! – too bad, you will in 38 strips)


464 Using his torso for a cereal bowl?

465 Marten doesn't smoke and hates Katamari. Pintsize's arms are "all contained-field magnetics."

466 Marten Bloggorz!

467 Raven's a pot head!

468 Laptop and a broadsword behind the counter at COD.

469 Funny hat day!

470 Ellen broke up with Steve. "Too clingy."

471 Ellen's crying

472 Steve's drunken binge

473 "Dude, I am trying to be your friend here but from what I can tell you've made a class-A dumbass of yourself."

474 The Tequila Monster!

475 GUEST STRIP (Jamie McGarry, Lunchbreak Toons) A Chilling Vision of the Future (Baby Pintsize?)

476 Bastard Offspring of a distillery and a paper mill

477 Li'l Stevie Ray Vaughn!

478 Ellen: "Can't stalk him with my courseload."

479 Downloading songs "illegally"; DON'T MENTION THE KILLERS!

480 Ellen: "So, Marten… got any other cute friends?" Dora: "Heh, she has no idea how close to death she came." Faye: "I. DON'T. KNOW. WHAT YOU'RE. TALKING. ABOUT!" (as she's got her hands clenched to grab Ellen by the throat)

481 Marriage: "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here!" (Mawwage! Twue Wuv!)

482 Dora: "Can't you hipster kids enjoy anything without being concerned about its cultural trappings?"

483 Ben & Jerry's, Bad Horror Movies and Booze at Bianchi's!

484 Faye's gonna be left all alone (Raven counts as "all alone"); Faye doesn't do heels ("awkward, wobbly and you know it can only end in tears").

485 Nat and Amir form a band! (And rope Marten into joining!)

486 Practice space over on Ward Avenue

487 Shirley Temples get Raven drunk (and topless?)

488 Raven becomes a therapist?

489 Oops, Raven lives on the other side of Main Street!

490 Raven meets Pintsize

491 "Let's Bang!" (again)

492 Nude Monkeys and shooting things from volcanoes...

493 Mieville vs. Raven (Mieville wins!)

494 Raven's trapped by Mieville at Dora's place (Faye: "The EMT had a cute butt.")

495 Raven's not inhibited! (grabbing Marten's ass?)

496 Raven passed out on Dora's couch.

497 Naughty thoughts of Raven!

498 OMG Turkeys 2005! (their second appearance)

499 Indie Bands devolve into the Grateful Dead as they age

500 to 600Edit


500 Faye: "Marty? Do you like me?"

501 "I can't be your Object of Affection…"

502 Dad and Faye were very close; killed Kenny Wallace's goldfish in fifth grade; Kenny Wallace took her virginity in 12th grade in a Buick (Marten's was in a VW Golf)

503 The Whitaker Clan (Faye, Dad, Mom, Amanda); memories of the bourbon in the Milkshake, the secret they shared.

504 What happened to dad on that one morning.

505 The aftermath.

506 The nervous breakdown.

507 Up to date; this all happened two years ago (Faye moved up to NoHo about 8 months ago, ST); she never finished college

508 Why she can't be in a relationship. "If trauma were that easily dealt with, psychologists would work pro bono."

509 Marten says his piece

510 Pintsize in the freezer with waffles. Mmm, waffles.

511 Dora gets the condensed version of the talk. (Davin and PeeJee from Something Positive cameo in the background)

"YOU IDIOT!... we don't need more skinny cute homo men!"

512 Marten: "Faye and I had a chat."

Steve: "I'll get my coat."

513 Jimbo returns

514 Jenny runs away SCREAMING

515 So drunk, Marten doesn't realize he's peeing in the ladies room…

Much to Hannelore's amusement (and she's smokin' in the girls' room!; You can tell she has circles under her eyes)

516 Ladies Night at the Purple Opossum – Sven's Weekly Acoustic set

517 Hanners: "I haven't slept in four days… counting the hairs on her head. Got up to 10,456" Hot chick to overtly crazy.

518 Corey Hart (and confusing Raven)

519 Raven shows Sven her "appreciation"

520 Hannelore: Severe OCD; been in therapy since she was 11. Steve: "Captain Manbitch of the SS Whipped". Hanners' Homicidal tendencies side comes out; Praying Mantis

521 The puke and man-butt story. Hanners invites him to play Scrabble. (Sex? Her? NO! Eww!) "Scrabble Roofies!" "Having you spelling MURMULE, BURNGSU and RMNXTW in no time!

522 Isaac Brock was a cranky little biatch to Sven. "Dora's giving me her no look. You do not mess with Dora's no look." (Tried to do Indie music: "Met You In A Coffee Shop")

523 She counts stuff. Two strangest: Grains of sand and a husband's back hairs.

524 Pintsize ESCAPES from the Freezer! Mutant Ice Powers?

525 Marten: "Wait, you live here?" Hanners: "…unless I've been STALKING YOU!... Your resignation is creepier than my poor taste in humor."

526 [2006] Sven offers to keep Faye OCCUPIED. If she's out, can't you move in?

527 Minimalist interior to her apartment; WINSLOW! AnthroPC by Apple, looks like a talking oversized iPod; Pintsize keeps logging in to my Ethernet and taunting him with Horse porn.

528 Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham. Marten: "Uh, how'd you know my last name?... Let me go get Faye's Tazer…"

529 "Immobilize Crazy Girl setting?" Creepy stalker girl! SHZZAP! (Pintsize: "I don't know who you are, but I like your style!")

530 GUEST STRIP (Zach, Animals Have Problems): How to Rip Off QC

531 Midnight Hobos for Faye; Raven "beamed her number to Sven using her mind" (The psychic equivalent of a broken 14.4 modem)

532 (Hey, they have a ceiling fan!) Hanners on the couch! Hanners on the couch! …and Faye shows up. Explanation, yes. Rational, not so much.

533 First girl you bring home… …you're the one who vacuums at 4 in the morning. Marten: "If irony were water, this apartment would be Lake Michigan."

534 Marten: "My life is weird."

535 Faye powered by CAFFEINE! Better off "laughing at it."

536 Raven encourages Dora to set the TRAP!

537 Faye deconstructs the true meaning of any classic rock tune. "I'm like the Oracle of Delphi, only dirtier and less cryptic."

538 We see Dora's tattoo… and Mieville (who finally gets a name in this strip) is high on catnip.

539 Faye: "Okay, now Old Faye would pummel one of you until you confessed to whatever you're scheming..." Dora: "She's got fewer calories but just as much body as the original."

540 Indonesian Fighting Spoon! Malaysian Battle Spatula! Dora: "I'm Here For You."

541 That Raccoon! (scared Faye by back dumpster) "I could lop off a hand with that thing! (spatula)"; while everyone's distracted, Raven encourages Marten to go for Dora

542 Marten and Dora – go get lunch! Faye – go look for a therapist! Raven – is a taskmaster!

543 As Marten and Dora walk the streets of Northampton, who's that in the background – Jeph and Cristi Jacques? (Meanwhile, Marten needs breath mints and a helmet.)

544 Hanners visits COD for the first time; Faye asks her for therapist suggestions

545 Double Entendre Jokes (Hurr hurr, swordfights)

546 Hanners little doll of Marten! (Voodoo doll? "If I say no does it mean I get to now?"

547 Marten's a giant panda; dating lives of the Olympic Pantheon

548 Is it "Proportionally endowed?" (Restroom of DOOM! sign in background)

549 Dora: "Oooh, gonna play rock star?" (Dora sits in Marty's Lap – much to Faye and Marten's surprise)

550 Marten: "What's the best way to piss off an indie rock snob? Actually enjoy music."

551 Faye: "I'd thank you if I thought you were being the slightest bit altruistic."


553 The Rehearsal Space

554 15 Year Anthem, The Alan Sparhawk Project – no. DEATHMØLE!

555 Dora and Faye drag Hanners out of her apartment.

556 Hanners is in Apartment 36 (Faye & Marten are in 26?)

557 Hanners gives Faye the number of her Therapist; Dora: "It kisses the boy or it gets the hose again!"

558 Hannelore falls asleep on the couch


559 "It is a very good thing there's nobody around to see my crafty little grin, because I am utterly failing to conceal it." – Dora Bianchi

560 Black trench coats and black hoodies – reproducing asexually?

561 Blue-hair Diner Waitress (and Jeph cheap-shots Australians)

562 Raven's stretch marks are the Frosh 15+; both of them went through the World-hating phase; Raven dieted and got boys to notice her. Dora: "I'm just as angsty as I used to be. I just try to hide it more now." Marten: "Welcome to the club..."

563 Up on the roof (carcass jokes)


565 A real Dora kiss is roughly 11 times more discombobulating. "If you don't want it, we can...

Now... what about Faye? (No Necro makeouts!)

566 Marten tells Faye the truth (at four in the morning)... which she suspected


568 TWO FRIGGIN DAYS??? "Figurative" loose leaf paper.

569 Treat him right and don't steal him away from me entirely... Think I'll be off to Savannah (GA) for a few days... Faye: "It's like talkin' about blowjobs with your mom." Dora: "Please never use those two words in the same sentence ever again." 570 Hanners wakes up

571 Pintsize was in... Mexico?

572 Raven Celebrates!

573 Pintsize gives Marten his condoms (SPERMICIDAL?)

574 Faye is greeted with COFFEE!

575 Steve & Ellen (wow, they're still a couple?) find out about Marty

576 Want you to be happy and stuff AND punch your lungs out the back of your ribcage

577 And then, he woke up... "That is NOT funny!"

578 Where he tried to stick Lil' Stevie last night...

579 Dora: "He and I are both pretty bony." Raven: "Haha! I BET you are."

580 Goin' home to yell at dad.

581 Cinderblock on the toilet seat (Pintsize tried to stow away)

582 Dora with the "Indie Librarian" look; Makeout sex before Trips? RAVEN! You're NOT HELPING.

583 No last-minute makeouts; Raven doesn't get the appeal of Axe.

584 Amanda meets Faye at SAV (Savannah International)

585 Mom Whitaker! Faye's favorite: BLT on toast with Potato Salad and Sweet Tea. "When Bob Creedy's dog bit you, you polished off a box of donuts..." "The bellyache from the donuts hurt more than the stitches."

586 Dora's in his lap again.

587 "Oh, that was easy. I just put out first." MOM!

588 Seein' a shrink. "Crazier than a mule on a Ferris Wheel"

589 The Protocol of Coffee of Doom

590 Pintsize and Winslow fill Hanners in

591 Mom – You have no idea why?


592 Happy Dora Grin – and the Freaking Out Dora Grimace

593 Helpful Hannelore (Sock drawer?); Pizza with even number of toppings. Winslow: "Math is delicious!"

594 Makeout Hobo! David Lee Roth and the Buddha

595 Aunt Bettie thinks you're going to Hell; Amanda is NOT "lez" because of Dad; Mom is on anti-anxiety pills

596 Some jokes come off as creepy, even if you don't mean it? "I'm going to smile and nod..."

597 Mom won't remarry

598 Turn off Pintsize, just to be safe

599 Farts and Sex

600 Threesomes are a lot like Communism – they're a great idea on paper, but in reality they rarely work well.

601 to 700Edit

601 Goin' to the cemetery

602 Root for the psychopath in the hockey mask; "You know how if you feed a starving person too much too fast, they die of shock? I'm like that, only with romance."

603 Dora's Relationship Checklist: "Hey, you only need to have that kink sprung on you ONCE before you start asking in advance!"

604 Uh, can we NOT have sex?

605 Faye visits dad. (next to a James and Julia DOWSON)

606 They slept together (but no sex).

607 Marten: "I'm basking in the moment." Blonde Waitress has heard this before.

608 Dora: "Part of me is the happiest girl in the world... but another part thinks I'm a horrible bitch..."

609 Self-medicate with unhealthy food and capitalism. GET ME TO A SONIC! Marty has enough uteruses in his life.

610 Assertive as a Manatee on codeine

611 AnthroPC Party! (Poor Hanners!)

612 The aftermath of the party (and Marten's first warning about Hanner's tendency to flail around when she freaks out); "I'll go put on my bike helmet."

613 Dora's Worry (Her over you? No, gladiatorial death-match)

614 Faye's Worry (Going back to Massachusetts? Actually, no...)


616 Islands? "I'm just waiting for the right moment to jump in with a peninsula joke." [Coffee with a scone in it; Scone with a cookie in it; Your ### with a hamster in it]

617 Cornbread! Amanda's the "sane" daughter… but Faye's punches STILL HURT. "Uncle Danny still falls for it!" (The fake crying trick)

618 "Same plumage"

619 Ellen (while on Steve's lap) tells about Natasha's drinking, Amir's "too f### to drunk"

620 Oh yeah, that's right, he's employed. (Why not find a new one?)

621 Raven volunteers to pick up Faye at the airport! (Pay her by the hour, it's cheaper)

622 Dora: "I promise I'll be good and let you get some sleep." Marten: "I think that would entail at least one of us being in restraints."

623 Faye's on her way home! (…and suddenly she's drinking again.)

624 Scott (to Marten): "Welcome back! You're fired!" Scott's off to Spain, Ibiza w/boyfriend

625 Raven does the crying trick to get out of a ticket. Get the sodium pentothal and rope!

626 Josh from Marketing starting a Mailroom Cart Racing League!

627 CoD gets the news: He's unemployed.

628 Faye is hoisted by her own gag reflex joke petard!

629 Hanners puts extra RAM in Pintsize (like giving a three-year old a can of Red Bull) PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE!

630 Instead of epees we use Smartassery!


632 Living in the future, and Hanners is scrubbing off a layer or two of skin (again)

633 Real Dolls with AI?

634 Dora Dreams of Mark McGwire (while Marten dreams of a comfy chair)

635 Smoking, OCD and Marten's Couch

636 Hummers, or $30 grand for a song?

637 Surprise, surprise: Hanners likes Bach.

638 "Raven Pritchard thinks you're a hottie!" (gives Sven her "card")

639 AnthroPC Message Board with photos of Owners in Compromising Positions; he got served by Hillary Rodham Clinton!

640 Sven's a "pack of Oreos"

641 Whiskey on the job

642 DEATHBOT 9000!


644 Jimbo's new venture

645 Reverse alcoholism?

646 Pintsize modded the couch!

647 CONDOMS????

648 Faye dreads her first session with the therapist

649 Dr. Corrine Buenvenida; Lobotomy jokes!

650 Coffee of Doom is Busy! Where's Raven? (Angus first appearance?) That's not her! "Bigger Boobs, people!"

651 The Sass Talk Pulls 'Em In! (Customer points out review in local indie rag)

"Bitchy Barista Babes Brandish A Bevy of Breathtaking Bean Blends"

Dora: "This must be what Mark Hamill feels like at Sci-fi conventions"

652 Faye tells Dr. Corrine about Dad. Rorschach: "NO SARCASM PLEASE"

653 They found Raven (with a McPedro from Girls With Slingshots T-Shirt?) Customer: "I'm here for the indifference as much as the espresso."

654 We're the new "hip/not hip place to fulfill your caffeine jones"… Raven: "…Faye's been laughing maniacally for ten minutes now…"

655 Faye at her WORST! Dora's never seen as many tear-stained dollar bills since her dad hired a stripper for her Uncle's funeral

656 The Insult Vampire; Marten comes in; "…I WILL turn the hose on you."

657 CoD – now hiring?

658 Nat & Amir visit CoD; Campus library is hiring! Nat: "caught passed out topless on the copy machine… and apparently went through a ream of paper…"

659 "Hot Goth Booty in the Coffee Shop"

660 Pintsize and molesting Nat's keyboard? "Sexist towards musical instruments"

661 Therapy went well; Joy of Self-stimulation? Gary Coleman slashfic???

662 GUEST STRIP (Scott and Kent, White Ninja): Pintsize TMNT?

663 Hanners Hacks Her Hair; "Therapy Sisters!" "…We should have seen it coming."

664 Deathmøle and Unicorns!

665 Faye trims Hanners, who cuts to the chase about her family:

• Both parents massively wealthy, hate each other

• Mom has estates all over the world

• Dad spends most of his time on the space station (WHA? "He has his own space station. That's actually where I grew up. I came down here because super-intelligent orbital defense satellites are good for casual conversation but (not much for) useful therapy."

• Crazy as hell and richer than the average Saudi prince and from friggin SPACE!

666 "I've been waiting three years for this strip!" - Jeph

667 Nat smells… earthy

668 Pintsize and Winslow, alone again; Equal Rights for Robots! "What, and have RESPONSIBILITY?"

669 Wait, if you have bad OCD, why ear piercings and smoking? "A girl has to have some glaring contradictions in her life." Meanwhile, Sven's cornered in the men's room at the pub!

670 GUEST STRIP (Chris Hastings and Kent Archer): Pintsize is cruel with CD jackets

671 GUEST STRIP (Julie Keene): Dora's Day Off! (and a subtle visit to Starbucks)

672 GUEST STRIP (Jason Sigala): Raven's a Robot!

673 GUEST STRIP (Jim Burgess): Indiana Pintsize saves the day!

674 GUEST STRIP (Ryan North & Liz Greenfield): Dinosaur and The End Of QC (Yeah, right)

675 GUEST STRIP (Kidnemo): Oops, Marten overdid it..

676 Marten gets a shove from Sven (SBV, the greatest bar game of all – the S###ty Bar Videogame!) Marten breaks out the Wang jokes!

677 Are you hitting on me? You're not very good at this.

678 Genevieve is her name; "Light fuse and get away"

679 "I've got that bastard cornered now." Faye: "…house cat staring down a bengal tiger."

680 Meh, he's not worth it. Sven, meanwhile, sneaks out through the window… to Faye saying, "…Betcha I do."

681 GUEST STRIP (Lem, Bunny): What if Pintsize ran Coffee of Doom?

682 DRAGGING MARTEN INTO IT! (Knuckle crack #1) "Dumpsters six blocks apart!"

683 Inept Indie-boy ways. (O'Surly's Pub; name on wall) Recursive vomiting; "So Sven makes you HORNY?"

684 Sven "apologizes to Genevieve (Knuckle crack #2) "A for effort, B for beatings."

685 "Some drunk hipster chick on a Vespa plowed straight into me." O'Surly's bartender (female): "Sorry, last call"; Karma's a bitch. This may be the first strip to mention Vespavenger.

686 Sven: "The new era has been postponed until tomorrow." (Blonde ER Nurse)

687 Marten's job search begins

688 CoD hiring (part 2)

689 Cayenne Coffee!

690 Faye tells Dora about Sven, Gen and Marty; Dora explains: "coasts by on charms and good looks… he needs a girl like you to beat some sense into him." (Raven: you handle the beatings, I'll handle the sexing!) YOU ARE NOT TAG-TEAMING MY BROTHER!

691 Tai the Librarian; Smith College Williston Library; "Is there a reason why (the application) is written in iambic pentameter?" YOU'RE HIRED! (Librarian humor)

692 He got a job! (Bartending at a convent?)

693 Faye's not jealous, she just ate a lot of clorophyll.

694 Why can't I do that? "Uh, excuse me, I ordered a Latte?" Carrot-Pickle Espresso Monstrosity

695 Hanners Plays the Roomba with her Robots… and it attacks Pintsize! (Smart vacuum!)

696 There's an explanation for Dora and Marten's change of wardrobe… (Monk Ninjas?)

697 Monk Ninja: "Large latte and a couple of bags of ice?" (Feng the Monk Ninja) WHUNK! "When did we get a soufflé pan?"

698 Penelope (or is it Pizza Girl?): "Hi, I'd like a large white chocolate mocha." ($4.50) "The Coffee Crusader"; "Caffeinatrix"

699 My NAME is Penelope Gaines. I AM NOT PIZZA GIRL! I already have a job! I work at a bookstore! You people are INSANE! Shanghaied into working at a coffee shop?

700 She HATES romance novels.

701 to 800Edit

701 Pintsize isn't very clear on what happens at girl's colleges; " more late-night HBO for you."

702 Dora = .65 Fayes (Complicated formula of cup size, body fat percentage, enumerated index of psychological issues)

703 Raven's got massive ZITS on her forehead!

704 Hanner's Roomba hates Marten!

705 Winslow's existential crisis (part 1)

706 Winslow's existential crisis (part 2)

707 Another Pintsize cosplay: Samurai Pintsize-san!

708 Raven's Hair Gel (Dora goes faux punk rock)

709 "Ogami Itto" Robonibocho

710 Angus (still not named, first lines): "…miss the days before all popular" He doesn't even drink the coffee! Ten drinks and your next is get the #### out.

711 Is coffee vegan?

712 Goth Cassowary; Steve and Ellen broke up again …and just as Steve was hitting on a girl, Faye & Marten break in.

713 "deep sea research vessel." (yeah, right)

714 Remember the talking purple weasels? $500 of fantasy knives off eBay!

715 Quantum Fetish Mechanics (Rule 34-Q?)

716 Pizza slices the size of one's head (Mimmo's Pizza in Northampton, not named). Hanners: "One slice of cheese please and go easy on the carcinogens." (Mumbling Pizza Place Guy)

717 Dora: "…this was the exact point when it all went to Hell." Finest Bourbon Whiskey! Distilled Essence of Mr. James Beam himself (Glowing bottle?) (Is that Jeph as the Liquor Store Guy?)

718 Faye: EVERYTHING'S BLUESHIFTED! "May cause you to get religion, get naked, or get arrested."

719 Bourbon Bobcat (aka "Beast of Bourbon")


721 Ani DiFranco at a frat party; Bourboncat: "Four bottles of vermouth before Gary the Nine Foot Pterodactyl shows up."

722 Faye & Hanners passed out; pile of ladies!

723 Dora catches Faye with only a towel and a toothbrush; Hanners: "Oh, INDY!"

724 "I don't wanna know about it."

725 Pen-el-ope! Got fired from the bookstore. TAKE A PICTURE! Class-action lawsuit. Insubordinate "half the charm of working here!"

726 "Hall booty is bad booty": Serena, Ashley, Jill, Bailey, Jenna, and Tai's roommate Bri (Brianna?); polyamory and the single lesbian; "They all have mono and Jill is pregnant somehow."

727 Bailey appears; Tai has a case of Angst-septis (needing Dramabiotics)

728 Bailey ? monogamy, Tai ? polyamory; Tai: "don't have to deal with stupid girl drama"… Marten: UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER!

729 Disgusting Carafes and various "ery"

730 "Don't out-creepy me!" Hanner's first words were "Thousand Yard Stare"; Pintsize clipped her toenails? (Hanners still loves Marten's couch)

731 Vespa Avenger MUST BE STOPPED.

732; B for Bitchdetta; Internet is like Kim Peek (aka "Rain Man"), only rude and obsessed with pornography

733 Penelope's indoctrination

734 Witty Banter – from burritos to cleavage to saddlebags to Joan of Arc to schizophrenia to better cell phone coverage in Hell to Youtube videos... but Pen is drawing a blank.

735 Raven meets Penelope as her co-worker

736 Ellen and her new boyfriend (Marten: "Gee, that was fast… I work here now.")

737 Chris is his name; her Uncomfortable Truth-jitsu

738 Tai (finally named) is the amateur psychologist

739 The plan to take down Vespa Avenger begins! (with six APC's and Winslow in the audience)

740 Are they acting?

741 Laying it on a little thick…

742 Here's your sign!

743 VA: "No, I'd want his phone number!"

744 VA: "Hang on, wrong button."

745 VespaBot!

746 Pain… level… SHATNERIAN… in…intensity!

747 Pintsize tosses bricks! Deus Ex Machina – literally!

748 Vespa Avenger takes a pounding

749 "O'Malley is high as hell!" (NoHo po-po)

750 Agent Turing returns! Illegal possession of a Combat Robot; offer her a gig in Research & Development

751 Swedish-design poking stick

752 Mild, Medium, or Southern Spicy BBQ? (customer with the Elvis hair)

753 Mom sends Marty a package: "I AM THE PRETTIEST PRINCESS" t-shirt!

754 Elephant seals, corsets, and mating season (Penelope strikes back!)

755 Penelope and the term "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

756 I am NOT crazy! "That's just what I'd expect a CRAZY PERSON to say!"

757 Pintsize has a peace offering for the Roomba ("void all of your warranties.")

758 Chariot race with the Roomba! (off the edge of the stairs)

759 Get a toothpick for Hanner's Hard Reset Button

760 OMG Turkeys 2006!

761 Chinese Delivery Guy! (non-speaking role, last "costumed" delivery character); Tai has her own social circle

762 Faye: "I wish I had someone to cuddle and watch movies with me." Sven: "Spider sense… tingling!" (Bimbo: That's just my chapstick…)

763 Boo-boo, Dora's stuffed bunny

764 Raven is shocked about Marten

765 Tai talked to Bailey… and it didn't go well. Then she, Serena and Ashley… hooked up. "Ornithologist" joke.

766 Drusilla of Boreheim Manor, by Rutherford Wainwright Ashecrofte – aka Jimbo!

767 Angus (still unnamed): "Where's the Cranky Brunette?" Daily Dose of Contrariness; Penelope: Bop you over the head with a Carafe.

768 Tai: "Trashy, poorly written, incredibly sexist towards BOTH genders, and the most entertaining thing I've read all year!"

769 That dude who always comes in…

770 19th Century Porn?

771 Introducing Tai to Jimbo – and Penelope's "vice"

772 Dora the Warmth Vampire! "A good corpse desecration joke"

773 Others who've seen Dora naked (and Tai hits on Dora?)

774 "The entirety of our culture is a vast conspiracy manufactured by the diamond cartels!"

775 Marty warns Tai about Faye

776 Adorable Butch Girl!

777 Jimbo: "Wait, what? You LIKED it?" Gonzo Romance Novelizing! Hunter S. Thompson would be proud

778 Dora & Faye "Girl Talk"

779 Entre nous Angus

780 Too stupid and self-centered to realize she doesn't enjoy matching wits with him. Plate Glass Window

781 Pintsize gives everyone thongs for Christmas! [B/W]

782 GUEST STRIP (Eric, Minimalist Stick Figure Theatre): Tai reveals she isn't as butch as Marten thinks…

783 "We call him Argument Guy." Angus goes FLYING! Bartender: "Is your friend looking for work? We could use a bouncer…"

784 His name: Angus McPhee. Can't set them on fire with your mind

785 Marten gave a girl a frog in 3rd grade – now she's a herpetologist!

786 Pintsize goes Dadaist

787 They're Fuzzy!

788 Ellen apologizes; "Mistake Whiskey"

789 Bad decision checklist (Ellen's last appearance)

790 Angus gave her his phone number; Raven: "I win the bet!... whether or not you'd kill him when you found out…" April 14th and a bet about getting laid…

791 Tai: You don't look like a lead guitarist.

792 The Lion proverbs (Mess with the lion…)

793 Sven is CHANG-ing his WAYS!

794 And then Eva came along; Sven: "This is like beaning someone coming out of an AA meeting with a bottle of 20-year-old scotch."

795 Faye insultasaurus

796 "You're still following me?... How long do you think this existential crisis is gonna take?"

797 The Faye Recovery Plan; Sven prefers blondes; he's a Quantum Jerk

798 Attractions; Misogynist Prick? "No Ani DiFranco fans."

799 Raven gets all Highlander on Penelope; "I just washed that knife, too."

800 Heavy anti-anxiety meds for Hanners… and a lack of pants.

801 to 900Edit

801 Dora's Emergency Skirt saves the day… and Hanners ends up passing out.

802 Tai's music: Euro-electric. NEVER EVER CHECK MY BROWSER HISTORY.

803 Pintsize's Porn Database "…violate the monogamy clause of our relationship"

804 Hanners is crying at anything

805 Pintsize and Winslow again

806 Mind-altering drugs (as she downs a bottle of hooch); self-medicating with alcohol

807 Gonna lecture me?

808 Dr. Corrine: "What makes you uncomfortable?" Faye: Marten & Dora is what could be; Sven and Angus are jackasses – HOT ones.

809 Dr. Corrine: "Not every man is your father." Three things you'll never hear a therapist say:

• "Just go out and bang someone."

• "I think the heroin is doing you some good."

• "No WONDER your mother never loved you!"

810 "Pooty pants"; worst possible thing you could say during sex:

"Happy Birthday Grandma!"

811 Faye ordered a pizza from the place Pizza Girl delivers for… Schizoid Penelope?

812 Pizza Delivery Dude! "She called in sick today." Didn't think of that possibility, huh? Penelope: "You two (are) MY comically-inept antagonists – or Pizza Girl's?"

813 She may not be Pizza Girl, but she'd make a great Harkonnen. (Dune reference FTW)

814 Tai and FlashLARP PotterSpace

815 Ashley, Serena and rug burns

816 Steve needs to go to the morgue.

817 Penelope Meets Steve! Nursing home for the critically oblivious?

818 Steve's having a psychotic break

819 "I could arrange that. I work at the county morgue." (Meena; who is yet unnamed)

820 "I just realized I'm talking to a stranger about his masturbation habits."

821 She's a pathologist's assistant; AnthroPC's are more trouble than they're worth. An APC in record keeping (at the morgue) used a severed head as a marionette to "cheer up" some cancer patients.

822 "Exotic" (third generation American); Ebola jokes

823 Faye fills Dora's Jerk Quota

824 How she (Meena) kills her victims

825 How Oblivious Can You Get, Steve?

826 …Apparently, VERY.

827 Drown your sorrows with us.

828 Break some Lions! (see 792)

829 Hanners meets Penelope

830 You, me and the robot!

831 Steve shaves himself

832 RoboFidel's Pubic Beard!

833 Hanners heard screaming… oh so CUTE! (hugging RoboFidel!)

834 Penelope: "So you won't tell me what the 'hijinks' were and Steve didn't say anything interesting about me or that girl he likes. What's the point of this conversation?"

835 Staff Meeting: Raven – Chief Fountain Officer; Faye – Chocolate Delivery Logistics; Penelope: Human Ass Resources

836 Amir at the Library; Nat's got a new guitar ("Smoke On The Water" is like "Chopsticks" for the guitar)

837 Don't make me make you wear the aprons again!

838 Raven's not as dumb as she acts (Shh! It's a secret!)

839 Dora's allergic to roses. "Nothing says 'I love you' like anaphylactic shock."

840 He's skipping down the street!

841 Post-coital glow (lens-flare!)

842 "Why I'm late for lunch…"; Nat was found by THE ENTIRE BOARD OF TRUSTEES. Her mom was one of them (which is why she wasn't expelled)

843 Jackson guitar? Amir's former GF dealt coke

844 …TOTALLY NOT PUNK-ROCK AT ALL. But Marten's seeing TOUR BUS!

845 We need a drummer.

846 "Create A Comic Project" by Alex [repeat of 738 with a different script – one that makes less sense…]

847 How AnthroPC's are made… Pintsize: "MOM?"

848 Horror Movie Fan? Anything for sloppy makeouts!

849 Raven: "A good barista never admits defeat!" (crawls through the vent duct into the store?)

850 Die Hard Raven with a Pigeon! (Bruce Willis/Alan Rickman jokes)

851 "Mock you all the way to the funeral"

852 Savant Raven

853 Angus: "Aw, I missed you too." Faye: "I'm absolutely awful about keeping in touch with people I dislike." SPLASH!

854 Too many John Cusack movies. (Bad timing, Sven)

855 Eve from AppleGeeks visits Winslow

856 Sakura-Con 2007 report (B/W)

857 Marten's haircut – and Dora freaks

858 Go Eat A Cookie.

859 Hot Hairstylists

860 Insecurities

861 Drummer? Money, dedicated, obsessive… HANNERS!

862 Hanners calls Dr. Corrine

863 LOUD is FUN!

864 She's a natural

865 I am a cleaning NINJA!

866 Hold Mieville down, clean his infected anal glands

867 Faye's on her own

868 New bar on Main; Knob Creek and a knife to stab. "Plain edged or serrated?"

869 Sven stops by… and is nearly threatened. "Even smarmy, emotionally hollow cads need company sometimes."

870 Marten draws himself and Dora roasting marshmallows on Dora's back!

871 Sven's old burnout music buddies:

• Jerry has a kid and two jobs;

• Scott moved to New York for work;

• Alan was kind of a prick…

872 Faye slobbers and insults Sven!

873 The difference between Sven and Marten? (Compare to strip 40)

874 The New Video Drivers make Pintsize Trippy! (Faye forgot her keys!)

875 Hanners?... no response (Apartment 36)

876 Sven's place (bird pooped on the skylight)

877 Sven makes better coffee? Princess (she's my villain cat); Sven: "She's a slut" Faye: "Pet-owner convergence"; Female Doberman or Wolverine with Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome

878 Sven: "If Dora finds out, I'd be dead"; Faye: "She'd have you committed for suicidal behavior."

879 Uh oh… Dora finds out!

880 Raven goes Pink and Black? …wanted to bleach her hair; Vinyl bodysuit and cat ears from every anime nerd's dream girl! Dora: "Marten would make such a cute Yaoi Boy"

881 Steve has Morgue Girl issues. Steve: "…lot of time pointing and going HA HA!"

882 Murphy's Law of Romantic Comedies. One aging hippie away…

883 …and that's when Meena (who's still unnamed) shows up. Steve: "I'll show you! I'll ask you out to dinner!"

884 Meena (NOW he knows her name); had to help find her boss's watch in a cadaver – and found TWO watches.

885 Amir: "Some chick is playing drums and CLEANING!"

886 Oops… Raven's mad. HIS APARTMENT!!!?????!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!

887 Drums. Practice. Coffee… Hanners fell asleep standing up?


889 Hanners wakes up; Faye: "We can fill a keg with espresso, but you have to sign a waiver."

890 Pintsize has gone from "Endearingly Misguided" to "Disturbingly Malicious!"


892 Got shushed by a gang of librarians!

893 Roommate playing porn videos?

894 Roommate is Dave – an ex-boyfriend who never got around to moving out…

895 Confusing Sex Noises

896 Hanners (about boy kissing her in the 8th grade): Doctors said I was lucky boiling water didn't leave any permanent scars

897 Disinfectantbot!

898 Angus: I like tea! …uh, Aphids?

899 Weirdly flattering idiot

900 Physical attraction to things that irk me.

901 to 1000Edit

901 Restacking books and "Suicide Guys"

902 Faye: Was that a band? "Someday I'll be a REAL GIRL!" Flying pigs, avian bacon (Dora and Marten); Nope, Hell froze over!

903 Marty and Dora do the Secret Booty Dance! …separately.

904 GUEST STRIP (Lem from Bunny): Dora's a robot?

905 1832, Euro-American Conspiracy Theories (The Hidden Secrets of Most Europeans by J. Edward Runcible)

906 Compliment Tourettes!

907 "Hugging Hannelore Heralds Heavy Hyperventilating! USE IT!"


909 Nat: "Why do I have to be a math major to ROKK?" (no Rush for her)

910 Hanners: "My mother is coming to visit tomorrow." (disembowel with Nat's guitar?)

911 GUEST STRIP (Stig, The Secret Crocodile Adventure Club): Pintsize does Tom Servo!

912 Darth Vader in a Martha Stewart costume

913 Mom's here. Great-grandfather Thaddeus Whitehall Chatham spent 20 years in the African Bush; gave them new word for "pompous, condescending white man"

914 I was joking about the blackmail…

915 Faye takes Hanners and Hannermom (Beatrice Chatham) shopping!

916 Less time on Therapists and Doctors and more on Discipline (Bloodletting cure for influenza)

917 Kicked out of the mall?

918 Limo crashes due to Hornet (limo driver gets off easy with a concussion)

919 Eagles Fly on the Fourth of July!

920 Faye's about to go off on Hannermom when… Brown Gunk in the shower?

921 Martinis? (FINALLY! Something in common!) "Love hurts… but the hangover is worse!"

922 Saying I Love You on the toilet isn't a good idea.

• Lucky pregnancy

• Went right to nannies

• Divorce: Hanners wanted to stay with dad

• She (Beatrice) had no clue, so she said OK

923 Weeping Demon, meet the Chathams! (Faye will use PowerPoint and 3-D Models)

924 A Business Proposition for Dora: Coffee of Doom, the Chain!); meanwhile, Hanners messes up Faye's hair!

925 GUEST STRIP (Stig – again): Marten's t-shirt usage

926 Mom: "Can't touch men's room toilet without having a nervous breakdown." $2,000 easy money (cauterize the stump?)

927 Marten: "They always aim for me!"

928 Bedside manner of an autistic vulture

929 What to do with the money?

930 1970 Gibson SG.

931 Harmonix Guitar Shop Guy (guest strip?)

932 Leopard skin/Jaguar skin/Panther skin?

933 GUEST STRIP (David Willis): Willis does QC! Indie Rock vs. Transformers!

934 GUEST STRIP (Corey Marie): Beer Pong!

935 GUEST STRIP (Scott & Kent, White Ninja Comics): The Band Jams

936 GUEST STRIP (R.K. Milholland of S*P): Pintsize messes with Faye's dreams

937 GUEST STRIP (KidNemo): Pintsize's dreams

938 GUEST STRIP (E. Oliver Coakley): Pintsize, TRANSFORM!

939 GUEST STRIP (Chris Hastings/Carly Monardo): Don't give Faye a time machine

940 Multiple conversations; Pintsize Underwear Ninja! Faye and Sven repartee

941 Underwear Ninja Hanners!

942 Dora puts her hands on Hanners' ears! Hanners: "Ew, boys are smelly and gross."

943 '65 Les Paul is the Canadian Girlfriend of Guitars.

944 Winslow isn't a Mary Kay Cosmetics AnthroPC.

945 Faye: Vintage Les Paul isn't actually a vintage. '61 to SG; no Les Paul name. Faye KNOWS.

946 One letter to PORN! "Option-W Porn? That's weird…"

947 '83 Les Paul. That's not flattery, that's masochism.

948 If aliens ever really tried to contact us, it'd be through the internet. Then 4chan would scare them off.

949 Toshiro Mifune! MacBeth! Faye: "I get snarkier the more cheerful I feel" Sven: "God forbid someone have sex with you."

950 Neon Genesis Victoriangelion! ("Kev's a big fan of Arby's…")

951 Pintsize: "My Wacky Hijinks have jumped the shark!

952 Ray-Ray (Buffy DVD's); Faye-Faye (Movie at SVEN'S); Raven: "You HAVE to set me up!" Faye: "Shakin' you can was so SUBTLE."

953 Faye's the Alpha Bitch; Pen's in the Omega Position; Raven is into the Big Bang!

954 Penelope: "Hairdresser made FUN OF ME!" (and the boys are whispering about the hot blonde barista!)

955 GUEST STRIP (Chris Daily): Gender Bender

956 I'M NOT PIZZA GIRL! (Beats the boys off with a broom)

957 [10:57] Wake up, little Dora...

958 "Failed Romantic Liaison"; Dora: "Woo! Take it off!" (Faye's peeking through her fingers)

959 Hanners brushes her teeth.

960 Mom sent Hanners "a few documents" (and has to move in with Marty and Faye for a few days...)

961 Fired the accountant... out of a cannon into a volcano.

962 Coed hits on Marten; Tai: "Either love or Stockholm Syndrome"

963 Benjamin the D&D Dork gave Raven a 12-sided dice! Raven: "Dorky boys treat you like a total princess if you're a hottie who'll give them the time of day."

964 Gravity. I hate gravity.

965 Hamlet in a post-apocalyptic cyberpunk dystopia (William Gibson, Ridley Scott, Keanu Reaves?)

966 Hanner's bag of toiletries (in a huge tent bag?

967 Purple Hair! (Pintsize: "Oh, that's mine.")

968 Marten: "We never made plans..." Dora: "What? Did I do something wrong?"

969 Having sex with a grain thresher? (Got a gun?)

970 Faye: "You two are both all insecure 'cause you like each other so much." Dora: "Who else am I gonna ask? Raven? Penelope, the bitterest girl on Earth? HANNELORE? I don't have a lot to work with."

971 GUEST STRIP (Ryan Estrada): Hannelore Cleans EVERYTHING

972 Let's All Study To Gabriel Ananda Day! Lightswitch Rave on the second floor with Serena and Ashley (?); My life: ...lesbian techno reimagining of Animal House.

973 Mrs. CHRISTMAN! (President of Smith College!) "Experimental alternative study environment focusing on the use of rhythm and body movement to enhance cognition and productivity." (And the rave on the second floor?) "Testing whether audio-visual distraction has any effect on the overall efficacy of the study group."

974 Tai "ID's" as a male; Boobsplosion/Ballpocalypse

975 Muffins for Tai; Anything not on menu for Marty; Brothel and Pastry Shop! Patisserie de Sade

976 Dora: "Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past." Marten: "...Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future." Faye: "...Common Sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot NOW."

977 Hanners likes steamed veggies and white rice from Chinese takeout; Faye: "You don't wanna work, you just wanna bang on your drum all day?" (Bad joke of the week?)

978 Physicist Porno! (Stephen Hawking knows how to party!)

979 Pintsize : Kitchen :: Humans : Zoo (the Blender's "paintings" – he's very enthusiastic!)

980 Mop the ceiling, Marten! "Use your alcoholic's ingenuity." (oops... Faye storms out)

981 Hanners: STOP FRIGGIN' FIGHTING! ("pavorite pants"?) She-Hulk Moment

982 Faye goes over to Sven's: "My friends are idiots." Dad's here! GAAAAH! Peter Bianchi, Sven (and Dora)'s "Old Man"; Ohhhh... "Friends with Benefits"; Faye: "Great, now I'm an alky and a trollop. Two deadly sins down, five to go."

983 Dad: "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Sven: "That doesn't narrow down my options, Dad..."; Faye: "My life is slowly falling apart."

984 Talk to therapist about drinking; SMACK! Sven: "No amount of self-pity ever helped anybody feel better!"; Faye: "...whack with a magazine when I get whiny?"; Dog peeing on carpet – and Dora biting her fingernails (So THAT's why she gets flinchy with a copy of the New Yorker...)

985 Faye whacks Sven – "You were FLIRTING!" No Tighty Whities.

986 "Bedroom closet or Linen closet?" (Hide the Hooker!)

987 Giving you a hug, Relax! (PFFFT!) "Did you just..." "YOU SAID I COULD RELAX!"

988 I need someone to kick me in the ass. (Oooh, ooh, pick me!) Not in my health plan's network, sorry; Marten: "In Canada they have socialized asskicking. It's called 'Hockey'."

989 Dora: "You realize that I'll murder you if you seduce her, right?" Sven: "She met dad." Dora: "Jesus, he has no idea how close he came to death..."

990 Dr. Corrine: "Why do you drink?"; Faye: "Awesome, out come the happy pills." Diet, exercise, omega-3 fatty acids; "Swift kick in the rear is still in clinical trials."

991 Penelope works out; Working out is a lot less fun if your partner is a SADIST.

992 Freaky Clone Couple (POD PEOPLE!)

993 Marten does all his exercising in the bedroom. (Had to go there) "No, really, I do sit-ups! Ce n'est pas une double entendre!"

994 Hanners found the discrepancy, mom... "Astrotech revenue reports... accounting software correct for a rounding error that didn't exist... Corroboration? Paranoia? $6 million! Jail? I DON'T CARE THAT'S WHAT THE SHARK TANK... Whale sharks eat PLANKTON, mom..."

995 GUEST STRIP (Otter, A Girl And Her Fed): Marten's having strange dreams about the women in his life...

996 A challenge! Faye & Dora bet on treadmill

997 YMCA Clerks; "Prude!" "Trollop!" "Puritan!" "Nympho!"

998 Your ass, it jiggles.

999 Only 15 minutes? Chariots of Fire, not Ben Hur!

1000 NAKED OLD LADIES! "...anchor in your pocket, or home on shore leave?" "Oh, ETHEL!"