Pintsize is Marten's model 8600[2] Windows[3] AnthroPC, and was the second character introduced in the comic's first strip. He is a companion to Marten and frequently used for comic relief, throw-away gags or to add punchlines to a strip. He can often be found with Winslow. He is one of only three characters in the strip to have his own plush version.



Pintsize is often tied up against a wall to stop him from his antics

Pintsize is mischievous[4] but loyal.[5] Most of his hijinks are sexual in nature, such as forming his own Monopoly board out of the contents of Faye's underwear drawer.[6] or trying to "comfort" Faye after her falling out with Sven.[7] It is possible that his offensive pranks are miscalculation,[8] but some are downright alarming.[9]

He has a large directory of assorted pornography on his hard drive.[10]

He uses his twitter account to post disgusting, horrific, or otherwise bizarre sex drawings.

Pintsize is foul-mouthed, using both human and robot[11] profanity.

Despite his deviant nature, Pintsize can be kind-hearted.[12] This is perhaps the only trait he shares with Marten. It has been suggested that the companion AI broker who paired them up made a mistake.[13]

More recently Pintsize has worried that his antics are too predictable.[14]

When it is absolutely necessary to keep Pintsize under control, he can be immobilized with duct tape.

Pintsize keeps a wide variety of costumes on hand which he wears to be humorous or weird.[15][16]

Pintsize is the audience's favorite AnthroPC by a narrow margin. He beat Winslow and Momo by one vote in a poll on the Questionable Content forum.[17]

Pintsize disclosed some insecurities about his size to Bubbles when they met[18].


Pintsize spends his spare time collecting pornography[10][19] and running the SETI screensaver.[20] He occasionally calculates prime numbers, but this is less common.

When with other AnthroPCs, he participates in role-playing games.[21]


Pintsize is equipped with a M31 Combat Chassis with 512 MB of RAM,[22], an optical drive,[23], USB,[24] DVI,[25] Ethernet,[26] and wireless[20] network interfaces, spectrometer in his mouth with which he tastes things[27] LASER weapon (formerly) and suction cup feet,[28] but does not have a built-in camera.[29] The spectrometer and associated holding tank were described as new features, implying that they were part of the M-31 chassis and not part of the stock one.

The spectrometer seems to be a seldom-encountered accessory. Even Momo's high-end chassis has no chemosensor[30] and AnthroPC enthusiast Marigold was confused to hear an AnthroPC describing smells.[31]

Pintsize's food preferences include cake mix and user manuals.[32]

The M-31 chassis is easy to repair,[33] which is handy since he lives with Faye. It also seems to grant him a high amount of resistance to cold weather, as he was able to easily function in cold that caused Winslow's Apple chassis to lock up completely. He is however powerless against duct tape, which is occasionally used to restrain him & prevent further pranks/damages.


He is friends with Winslow, Momo and PT410X, but has not sought out any "sexual" relationships with any of them.

Pintsize has had a date with another AnthroPC named awesoemPC1998, until finding out that awesoemPC was actually a male anthroPC who was pink.[34] It is implied that they did something explicit, but it's never revealed what (it was strange enough to shock Pintsize, though).

He discusses his work as Marten's companion with Momo in Number 2332: Insider Talk. It turned out, Pinsize's pairing with Marten might have been skewed by Marten had being scared of Gordon during his application at "AnthroPC Companion Connections".[35]

He helped Faye find a job at Robot-Fighting Ring.[36]

Pintsize has promised not to harass Claire after Marten loomed over him.[37] He once got stuck in her hair by accident.[38]

Sex and drugs and rock&rollEdit


Pintsize is configured in software as a male and seeks out female-configured AnthroPCs for cybersex.[39] He has frequently made (crude) advances to humans, always women, making him a hexasexual. To please them he has a vibration mode.[40]

He tried to console Marten after his breakup with Dora using a fleshlight glued onto his chassis.[41]

Pintsize has attempted to copulate with Coffee of Doom's espresso machine.[42]

He once tried facesitting with May, but was disappointed, as it "doesn't feel very transgressive".[43]

Pintsize appears to have a toast fetish.[44] He created a profile on a dating site Computr, describing his interest to "shoot toast at your body".[1] He matched with Roko Basilisk because of her bread fetish.[45] The date didn't go as well as he wanted, because Roko didn't enjoy toast being launched at her during dinner.[46]

Pintsize has a Tinder account.[47]


Pintsize is not a frequent drug user but has gotten stoned on video drivers[48] and hallucinated on virtual peyote.[49]

Music preferencesEdit

Pintsize is difficult to use for media playback because he insists instead on loudly yelling the lyrics to "Crazy Train," which is (in his words) "the best song ever".[50] He considers Toto's best song to be "Hold the Line".[51] When considering forming a sovereign nation of copies of himself, he chose Björk's "Army of Me" as the national anthem.[52]


  • Removal of the laser from Pintsize's chassis has been referenced several years later in Number 2107: Sweet Ride.
  • Pintsize does mathematical calculations for fun, so it's appropriate that his name is an anagram for "zest in pi". His sexual grossness is echoed by the anagram "penis zit".

Memorable quotesEdit

  • "I would be delicious"[53]
  • "It is hard to get a lady to evaluate to true."[54]
  • "Having a conversation with Faye is bound to lead to a system crash one way or another."[55]
  • "Nobody ever grabs my bottom"[56]
  • "All the COOL robots are doing it"[57]
  • "I think you have very good-looking breasts, Faye."[58]
  • "They were firm, yet supple, with perky nipples and just the right amount of jiggling"[59]
  • "I'm Pintsize, and you have some truly excellent hooters."[60]
  • "Do not mock the Breast Jihad!"[61]
  • "I'm a performance artist, and my medium is irate ladies"[62]
  • "I clipped your toenails while you slept. So I could make them part of my COLLECTION."[63]
  • "Okay, let's go to the meat market and get a severed pig-head to put under Faye's blankets!"[8]
  • "Well yeah, it's not a GOOD idea, but it's a FUN idea."[64]
  • "Right then! Let's go set something on fire."[65]
  • "Fire, filth and destruction? Clearly we are going to make good neighbours."[66]
  • "I'm good at deforestation."[67]
  • "Common concerns such as property damage and wholesale destruction are of no concern to the King!"[68]
  • "He doesn't have to wake up, you know. I have a laser, and we have a garbage disposal."[69]
  • "Wait, I'm supposed to be HELPING?"[70]
  • "Thongs for everyone!"[71]
  • "I like to feel pretty sometimes!"[72]
  • "I'm always naked!"[73]
  • "Maybe a woman isn't what you need! Have you considered robosexuality?"[74]
  • "I will TOTALLY be your glorified dildo!"[74]
  • "Rule 34 is the ultimate expression of human creativity!"[75]
  • "He's going to dinner-fuck her booze-hole!"[76]
  • "Spontaneous kindness is to hipsters as high beams are to deer."[77]
  • "Nobody could ever be hipper than you, Faye"[78]
  • "I don't explode cats. It's way too difficult to coax them into the microwave."[79]
  • "Those preschoolers will remember that day for the rest of their lives."[80]
  • "I've stagnated. My wacky antics have become tired, predictable, PASSE. I need to take my art to the next level, but I can't find the proper muse. I will find a cold, grey beach and stand on it, staring out to sea. I will smoke a cigarette and ask the waves rhetorical questions about existence."[14]
  • "When talking about the human experience, it all comes back to poopin' eventually."[81]

Major eventsEdit

  • Pintsize gets a new M-31 chassis[82]
  • Pintsize's new chassis has an unusual feature[83]
  • Pintsize's new chassis almost gets him wiped[84]
  • Pintsize gets a virus[32]
  • Pintsize tries to upgrade himself[85]
  • Pintsize picks a fight with Faye. Oops[86]
  • Pintsize undoes his repairs from that incident[87]


One open and obvious question is how Pintsize got the way he is. There have been some interesting ideas about this on the forum.

One suggestion, from jwhouk, is that Pintsize was originally Marten's mom's AnthroPC.[88] This theory is debunked in the mini-arc starting from Number 2331: Not Rhetorical

Another idea, from Blackjoker, is that Pintsize began to get interested in porn as a way of cheering up Marten but his programming ran away with itself when he discovered rich veins of bizarre things on the Internet.[89]

And then there's the Stanford buttock-touching robot.[90]



  1. 1.0 1.1 3694: Beucephalus Rides Again
  2. Number 145: Irresistable
  3. Number 855: Robo-Cockblocked
  4. Number 639: Jenna Bush Is #4
  5. Number 747: Latin Humor
  6. Number 142: The Thongs Are The Cheap Property
  7. Number 1349: That's Gotta Be A Fire Hazard
  8. 8.0 8.1 Number 890: Creative Differences
  9. Number 1087: It's The Thought That Counts
  10. 10.0 10.1 Number 1414: The Room
  11. Number 1200: Don't Even Mention Dvorak
  12. Number 430: Another Gift Horse
  13. Number 2336: Grim Truths
  14. 14.0 14.1 Number 1158: Suffer For Your Art
  15. Number 163: Snip Snip
  16. Number 707: My Apologies To Takehiko Inoue
  18. Number 3009: They Should Go To The Support Group
  19. Number 2331: Not Rhetorical
  20. 20.0 20.1 Number 2: While You Were Out...
  21. Number 176: Messageboards Are For Nerds
  22. Number 629: My G5 Does The Same Thing
  23. Number 5: Chicks Dig Disc Drives
  24. Number 1367: Secret Watch-List
  25. Number 466: Mind Control
  26. Number 8: Sexy Ports
  27. Number 212: Does Thinkgeek Sell Pampers?
  28. Number 91: Salo Would Be Proud
  31. Number 1999: It's Been A Recurring Problem
  32. 32.0 32.1 Number 267: Delicious Documentation
  34. Number 339: The Closest I'll Ever Get To Filler Art
  35. Number 2336: Grim Truths
  36. Number 3001: Legalize It, Number 3002: Conspiracy Theory, Number 3005: A Multitude Of Talents
  37. Number 2896: Parley
  38. 3672: Feels Like We've Been Hair Before
  39. Number 346: It Would Be Pretty Cute
  40. Number 396: Faye Is Sort Of Channeling Me Here
  41. 1812: Just Like The Real Thing
  42. Number 2574: I Guess He Walked There Himself
  43. Number 3350: A Dream Deferred and Number 3351: Requiem For A Dream
  44. Number 2908: Toasty
  45. 3700: Loafing Around
  46. They Matched On Computr
  47. Number 3263: We Found Love In A Hopeless Place
  48. Number 874: Trippy Antialiasing
  49. Number 2103: Yearly Pilgrimage
  50. Number 43: I'm Going Off The Rails
  51. Number 1737: Hidden Criteria???
  52. Number 1183: El Matador
  53. Number 20: Not As Good As Pie
  54. Number 189: WWHWD?
  55. Number 123: Microcosm
  56. Number 146: She Couldn't Resist
  57. Number 590: Delicious Gossip
  58. Number 112: Ctrl/Alt/Del
  59. Number 33: I Spy
  60. Number 490: Superb Owls
  61. Number 1460: Initiate Threat Protocol
  62. Number 277: Oddly Obvious
  63. Number 730: Creeped Out Again
  64. Number 805: Unplumbed Depths
  65. Number 668: Wait Why Does He Need The Beer?
  66. Number 390: Not A Recommended Cleaning Method
  67. Number 393: One Ton Wonton
  68. Number 125: The Royal We
  69. Number 148: Never Saw It Coming
  70. Number 11: The Wrong Thing at the Wrong Time
  71. Number 781: Merry Christmas! (3rd time's a charm)
  72. Number 1009: More Gratuity
  73. Number 389: Brother Faye
  74. 74.0 74.1 Number 1602: Robophobia
  75. Number 1435: Let's Vote On It, Everybody
  76. Number 1627: Pintsize Stoops To New Lows
  77. Number 430: Another Gift Horse
  78. Number 667: Axe Body Spray
  79. Number 210: Utahraptor Has No Posse
  80. Number 402: It's Seriously Like 250K
  81. Number 270: Cheap Humor
  82. Number 60: Pintsize 2.0
  83. Number 61: I Am Your Father
  84. Number 147: The Feds
  85. Number 1411: Just Because You're Paranoid
  86. Number 1450: Open High
  87. Number 1457: His First Instinct Upon Waking