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"My name is Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham. I end messes."
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Marten Reed[2][3] is one of the main characters of Questionable Content. In fact, as the first person to speak in the comic, it could be argued that he is the main character. He is the only other character besides Faye Whitaker to have appeared in over a third of the strips in the comic.[4]

For a while, he was in a relationship with Dora Bianchi, but he is currently in a relationship with Claire Augustus. Marten is the human companion of Pintsize. He lives with Pintsize, Faye, Bubbles, and Claire at 144 Dwight Street, apartment 22.[5][6] Faye is Marten's best friend.[7]



Marten is originally from northern California.[8][9] His parents, who divorced when he was ten,[10] are Henry Reed (a gay nightclub owner) and Veronica Reed (a fetish model and professional dominatrix, known by her stage name, Veronica Vance).[11] His step-father is Maurice Duplantier. Marten is an only child.[12] His only other known relatives are an unnamed uncle[13] and an unnamed grandfather.[14] His mother wanted to name him Marten Tiberius Reed, but his father didn't approve the middle name Tiberius.[3]

Marten was bullied in school[15] and was anxious enough as a child to require a Worry hat. He used to play the clarinet.[16] In high school, Marten was club president of the Dungeons and Dragons club.[2] Judging from his address book, he has not kept up contact with many friends from outside Northampton.[17]

Marten majored in music history and critical theory.[18]

When the comic started, he was working in an office job which he detested and it paid only slightly more than twenty thousand dollars per year.[19] He now works at Smif College's Williston Library, where Tai is his boss.

He has no interest in following his mother into the family business.[20]


Before the comic started, Marten lived in California and moved to Massachusetts to follow his girlfriend Vicky.[8]

Meeting Faye[]

Marten and Steve met Faye in a bar, and immediately she established boundaries.[21] They hung out at Marten's apartment that night.[22]

Faye worked at Coffee of Doom with Sara.[23] Sara and Marten secretly lusted after one another, but both were too shy to actually do anything about it.[24]

One of the first things Marten and Faye did together was visit the Irony Cafe.[25] Shortly thereafter, she asked if she could stay at his apartment because hers burnt down.[26] Sarah found out and was suitably angry until Faye explained that the relationship was purely platonic and that she slept on the couch; but then Sarah had an epiphany and rejected him before she even asked him out.[27]

While Faye occasionally exhibited signs of attraction toward Marten, particularly when drunk,[28][29] and Marten was obviously attracted to her,[30] Faye made it clear she was not interested in a sexual relationship with him.[31][32]

This sexual tension finally ended for good[33]—with Faye explaining her emotional issues regarding the suicide of her father.[34] Shortly thereafter, Marten began dating Dora Bianchi.[35]

When Faye got tired of sleeping on Marten's couch, she suggested they get a larger apartment[36] and they find their current place at 144 Dwight Street[37] apt 22.[5]

Shortly after moving in, Marten's mother, Veronica Reed came to visit,[5] and was outed as the fetish model Veronica Vance when she met Dora.[11] It turned out she had a business meeting with a publisher interested in her memoir.[14] After she left, Faye called the visit the "test of the mom jabbar" (a punny reference to the book Dune).[38]

Faye is Marten's best friend.[1]


Faye introduced Marten to her boss, Dora Bianchi[39] and it was immediately apparent that Dora had a crush on him.[40] When Faye told Dora about an incident where Marten walked in on her while she was changing (even though she was wearing a bra), Dora threatened to and then at earliest opportunity, did flash him.[41][42]

Steve shanghaied Marten into a double date with Dora so that he had a wingman for his first date with Ellen.[43] The date went well enough that Steve gave Marten the signal to leave, so Marten walked Dora home.[44]She invited him in for coffee and they discussed his hot/cold relationship with Faye.[45]

Two days[46] after Faye let Marten down[47], Dora made her move and kissed him.[35] Though he was onboard for the relationship,[48] Dora immediately began questioning whether he was just settling[49][50]; though he told her he was not,[51] this insecurity was part of a theme that ran throughout their relationship.[52][53] Ellen was critical of their relationship starting so soon after "The Talk".[54] Dora also got angry when Marten got a haircut without consulting her first.[55]


Marten met Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham in the women's room of a bar when he was too drunk to find the men's room.[56] She invited him to her place for Scrabble ("Sex is for no.").[57] Marten was a bit creeped out when he realized she lived in the same complex as he,[58] and when he realized that she'd been stalking him, he ran to his apartment to grab Faye's taser[59] and zapped himself.[60] Faye came home and began interrogating her, and found out that Hannelore is the upstairs neighbor in apartment 36[61] who vacuums at four in the morning.[62]

Despite the awkward first meeting, Hannelore is a regular fixture in Marten and Faye's apartment, and will often fall asleep on Marten's couch.[63][64][65] Though she obviously has an attraction to Marten,[66][67][68][69] she finds hugging difficult[70][71] and kissing disgusting.[72] Hannelore says Marten and Marigold are her best friends.[73]


When Marten got a tax return check in the mail,[74] he went out and bought a guitar[75] to replace the one he had sold to move out of California.[76]

When Natasha and Amir find out Marten plays guitar, they invited him to jam with them.[77] Natasha names the band Deathmøle.[78] When they decide that they need a drummer,[79] Marten asks Hanners if she wants to learn.[80] She takes to it quickly ("Drumming is counting using your whole body!")[81] and becomes a member of the band.[82]

When Hannelore wins a $2000 bet for Marten against her mom[83], Marten upgrades to a $1600 1970s era Gibson SG.[84]

Later, when Marten and Amir try to get Nat to learn more chords and do less feedback, she quite the band and broke up with Amir.[85] The band continues as a threesome.


When Marten complained about his job—his business card literally said "Office Bitch"[86], Dora talked to him about maybe quitting and finding some more satisfying employment.[87] When he got to work that day, he was told he was fired (laid off).[88]

The next day, Nat told him to apply for a job at the library.[89] He went to apply and, when he recognized that the application form was written in iambic pentameter, was hired on the spot.[90]


Sven was run over by a "drunk hipster chick on a Vespa" in a seemingly random encounter,[91] but then she reappeared, trying to run down Steve, to revenge him breaking up with Ellen, but left when he tells her that Ellen broke up with him.[92] Dora discovered the Vespavenger's website[93] and she and Faye decided to take her down, which they did with the help of Marten, Pintsize and his robot friends; though Marten took damage in the fray.[94]



Tai Hubbert is Marten's boss at the library. She quickly integrated into the circle of friends when Marten took her to the bar to meet Jimbo with Faye and Dora. Her diminutive size and butch appearance made Dora want to keep her like a pet.[95]

Tai has a tendency to push Marten outside his comfort zone: her idea of bonding with him was to go and get a clit piercing, casually stripping off her pants in front of him and requiring he hold her hand during the procedure.[96] It cetrainly didn't help that she immediately went to Coffee of Doom to show Dora.[97]


Marten and Dora went to her parents' house for dinner, with a few awkward moments regarding Marten's mom.[98][99]

Dora moved in with Marten and Faye.[100]

Dora's insecurities flared up over Marten having some feelings for Faye and his ex-girlfriends,[101] when Faye slept with her brother,[102] when Cosette asked him out (he turned her down),[103][104] and again when she caught Faye hugging him in the living-room.[105]

When Marten got angry with her for looking at his porn collection after he specifically told her not to,[106] she broke up with him[107] and Sven helped her move out.[108]

The Worry Hat[]

Hannelore told Marten she was worried, so he gave her a Worry Hat, telling her to put it on and activate it by saying "Worry Hat, engage".[109] It worked, and he told her to keep it.[110] After his break-up with Dora, Hanners returned the Worry Hat, to make him feel better.[111]

The Secret Bakery[]

After the break-up with Dora, Marten had to find someplace other than Coffee of Doom to get his caffeine fix, so he and Hannelore searched around town and found The Secret Bakery, where he met Padma.[112] Marten continued to go to The Secret Bakery even after he returned to Coffee of Doom.[113][114] It was at there that he learned that he had become a "townie."[115]

Tai started thinking about getting with Dora,[116] and Marten saw Dora for the first time post-breakup, when they decided they could still be friends.[117]


The library got three summer interns:[118] Claire, Emily, and Gabby.[119] Tai tasked Marten with supervising and training them, because she felt he needed the extra responsibility.[120] Later, she and Faye ship Marten with each of them, to his annoyance.[121]


Meanwhile, Marten went hiking on Mount Tom[122] with Momo, Sam, and Padma.[123] Padma mentioned that she was planning to move to LA to care for her ailing grandmother.[124] Marten and Padma hooked up,[125] and despite her set plans, started falling for each other.[126] But when Padma cancelled a date,[127] he got angry and told her he wouldn't see her on her last night in town.[128]


Hannelore invited her two best friends,[129] Marten and Marigold, to go to The Space Station to celebrate her dad's birthday.[130] They saw the room Hannelore grew up in[131] and learned about her childhood.[132] Hannelore's dad asked Marten — as his daughter's closest friend — if she was happy down on Earth.[133] He tried to get Marten to use "Fournier-Goldman Happiness Units," but Marten screwed it up. Hanners told him she'd never been happier in her whole life.[134]

Marten and Hanners helped one of the scientists make out with Marigold.[135][136] Marten went off with Lieutenant Potter to drink away from the noisy scientists.[137] She told him he should email Padma and turned him down before he could make a move on her.[138]

When they returned, Pintsize was angry that he wasn't allowed to go and talk to Station, so Marten gave him Station's email address. Padma replied to his email and told him she was fine and she was sorry things didn't work out.[139]

Party at the Lake[]

Emily invited everyone to party at her parents' lake house.[140] When Marten and Tai went to Coffee of Doom later on, Tai insisted on inviting Dora herself.[141] At the lake house, Marten discovered that he and the gang are Emily's only friends ("Oh lord, we've adopted another one.").[142]

During the party, Marten and Claire were alone. She told him he had nice friends, and he replied, "You're one of 'em now."[143] She decided to tell him that she was trans, and he thanked her for telling him.[144] When she asked him what he wanted to know, he said he was fine with whatever she felt comfortable telling him.[145]

Dora and Tai[]

Marten told Tai he was cool with her making out with Dora.[146] She drunkenly confessed her feelings to Dora.[147] The following day, she reiterated her feelings, and they had their first kiss.[148] After their first date, Tai panicked and went to Marten for advice. He told her that the date went fine and that if she let things progress naturally, everything would work out.[149]

Marten realized that his father's wedding was coming up and went looking for a date to take along.[150] Faye and Dora were unavailable[151], and then Hannelore got sick,[152] so Claire volunteered to drive him.[153] Marten was shocked when he learned that his parents had Black Flag play their wedding,[154] and again when he was introduced to German electronic musician and founder of BPitch Control, Ellen Allien, the DJ for the wedding.[155] After the reception, Marten and Claire fell asleep on his bed,[156] and he woke later to find her cuddling him. He turned off the light[157] and in the morning she was in her own bed and said nothing about the incident.[158] When Marten told Faye about it later, she suggested it was only a dream.[159]

Marten traded in his telecaster for an Ibanez RG2228[160] 8-string guitar, which wiped out his savings.[161]

Clinton thanked Marten for being a gentleman about his sister cuddling him,[162] which caused Claire to have a panic attack.[163] Marten assured her that he already knew it happened and that he was not weirded out about it.[164] Later that day, Marten and Hanners explained his history with Faye and informed Claire that she was now a part of the group of friends.[165]

Veronica and Jim[]

Tai and Claire began shipping Marten's mom and Jim Bean,[166] and he mentioned to episode to his mom on the phone.[167] Some time later, she made a surprise visit and told Marten she was going to have coffee with Jim.[168] Based on that date, Veronica decided to move out from California.[169]

In light of her dad dating his, Samantha Bean offered Marten a friendship frog[170] and invited him to walk in the woods.[171] Emily went with them and was bitten by a snake.[172] Marten quickly tore up his t-shirt and made a tourniquet for her, and Sam pointed out that the snake was not poisonous.[173] When Emily told the story back at Coffee of Doom, the girls made fun of him,[174] but afterward, Emily kissed him on the cheek in appreciation.[175]

When Marten talked it out with Tai, she told him it probably meant nothing, and then questioned whether dating an intern was actually unethical.[176] Steve and Hanners also agreed that the kiss was probably nothing.[177] After sharing some "crisis wine"[178] with Faye, he finally came to the conclusion that is was probably nothing and would let it slide.[179]

Marten invited Claire to got to the bar with him and some of the gang.[180] Faye deduced that Claire had a crush on Marten,[181] though Claire denied it.[182] Faye then decided that she Marten and CLaire must drink some more th athe apartment.[183] Once they were all comfortable on the couch, Faye went to bed,[184] which left Marten and Claire getting terribly close. But Claire, realizing they were both a little too drunk, decided to be reasonable and go home.[185]

Dating Claire[]

—I need pancakes before I can process this.
— Marten[186]

The next morning, Marten called Claire to have breakfast with him, but her mother answered the phone and invited him over for pancakes.[187] After breakfast, Marten told Claire that he wanted to start a relationship with her, and they kissed.[188] A short while after their successful first date,[189] Claire asked Marten to watch a movie at her house,[190] but Marten got home to find Faye unconscious from drinking too much. He cancelled the date and got Faye to the hospital.[191] When the crisis with Faye was over, Claire went Marten's apartment,[192] and they made love.[193]

Faye fell off the wagon,[194] and Marten felt he had to keep an eye on her, so when Claire called, asking to come over, he told her not to come. Claire angrily hung up on him,[195] but Faye took his phone and threatened to beat Marten up if Claire didn't come over.[196] When she got there,[197] she reassessed the situation, realized that Faye needed to talk things out with Marten privately and extracted a promise of no beating people up from Faye before leaving.[198] Marten said, "So, talk to me." And Faye did.[199][200]


Claire decided that she wanted a septum ring,[201] and though professed not being a fan of them, he supported her choice and they went to the piercing studio[202]

Talk of future prospects lead to Marten's realization about instability of his employment.[203] Claire helped Marten open a savings account.[204]



Marten's religious beliefs have never been mentioned "on screen" but a newspost said "cheerful agnosticism."[205]

Sex and drugs and rock&roll[]


Marten is comfortable with and supportive of gay people, and seems free of hangups about gay sex.[206] His tastes are vanilla,[106] but he knows bondage techniques (no doubt due to his mother).[207] He recognizes that Sven has a nice ass.[208]

Despite being surrounded by attractive women, Marten has explained that he does not fantasize about Penelope, Tai or Faye, but has fantasized about Raven.[209]

Marten is currently in a relationship with Claire Augustus.


Marten is a regular coffee drinker (his favorite is a large latte)[210] but is no gourmet.[211] Faye accused him of being satisfied with anything hot and brown colored.[212]

Marten is a casual drinker of alcohol, and has been shown drinking beer.[213] He has also been known to binge drink when emotionally stressed, but only rarely.

Marten does not seem to use use any other drugs, neither smoking nor ever having dropped acid.[214][215][216]

Music preferences[]

We know some of the concerts he's attended[217] and that Modest Mouse makes him nostalgic, but on the many occasions when he's talked about bands he's not tended to talk about his tastes.

Marten is known to have a Mogwai poster, and on his blog he listed Broken Social Scene as a favorite. He likes David Bowie's Outside or at least admires its depth,[218] and likes The Flaming Lips. He says he appreciates the work of Sir Mix-a-Lot.[219] He has complimented the songwriting of Belle and Sebastian,[220] and is an intense fan of Thurston Moore.[221] He is a fan of American glam metal band Poison.[222] He also appeared knowledgeable of electronic music when speaking with Tai, particularly Ricardo Villalobos' Fizheuer Zieheuer,[223] and has a T-shirt bearing the name of British electronic artist "Gold Panda".[224] He is also a fan of Liars, and possibly William Shatner.[225] He seems to be a fan of "post-post-ironic" music, particularly Deerhoof.[226] His bedroom has a poster for the Texan rock band "Spoon".[227] He has a T-shirt for American rapper Biz Markie and the Canadian post-rock band Godspeed You! Black Emperor.[228][229] He is familiar with the music of Swedish extreme metal band Meshuggah. He has also met and likes the DJ Ellen Aillen.

He appears to like Society For Creative Rock Anachronism,[85] and a friend believed he would like an Explosions in the Sky album.[230] He, along with Steve and Faye, are also fans of the band Dune and often have conversations about their style and taste. He also mentioned that the Failure album he downloaded was "Really fucking good" and that he felt he had "missed out on them while they were together".[231] There are a few he has complained about.[232]

When asked by Faye about his favorite Toto song he revealed it was "Rosanna".[233] This seems to conflict with Faye's favorite ("Africa")[234] and is completely disregarded by Dora, who hates the band with a passion.[235]

His ringtone is "One More Time"[195] and previously was "I am trying to break your heart."[236]

Marten has an intense dislike of the Sex Pistols, with an apparent specific hatred of "God Save the Queen",[237] as well as Metallica's "St. Anger".[238] He would not complain if someone assassinated the former MTV VJ Lisa "Kennedy" Montgomery.[239] He seems to dislike drum circles.[240]


He is kind and considerate,[241] but knows when to be snarky.[242] He has a very mild, malleable disposition, to the point of often being a pushover. He is slow to anger,[243] but will react when a friend is mistreated.[244]

Marten may be shy. He is at any rate slow to make friends, if Pintsize is to be believed (hah!). According to Pintsize, Marten had lived in Northampton for two years before meeting his first friend there, Steve.[245] Marten now says he has a lot of friends,[246] but his phone address book has only a few entries.[17]

Marten is an underachiever who dreams of a successful band but spends his Saturdays "watching Cartoon Network and moping".[247] On the subject of Marten's apparent aimlessness,[248][249], Jeph Jacques said:

Marten isn't really sure what his goals ARE. I'm pretty sure I've actually had him say something along these lines in the comic, actually. He'd like to have some, but life can be insidious in how you go day by day and suddenly it's been a year and you're still working at your crappy job and WTF happened to all that time.
— Jeph Jacques[250]

At any rate, he knows one thing he doesn't want to do, namely taking over his mother's business.[20] Marten's concept of an ideal life is listening to music and drinking coffee.[251] His favorite drink is a large latte.[210]


Marten is slender, not muscular,[252] and between 5-8" and 5-10".[253] He has black hair and blue eyes. He claims to be incapable of growing facial hair.[254]

Memorable quotes[]

  • "Hey, that's not fair! The other day I wanted some soup, and there was none in the apartment. What did I do? I went to the friggin' store and got some soup! If that's not taking charge of a situation I don't know what is."[51]
  • "I need to learn some new profanity, 'cause the old standards just aren't cutting it in this situation."[255]
  • "What the hell ass balls?!"[256]
  • "Pfft. Fuck rent, I'm buying a guitar."[74]
  • "Quick, placate the other patrons with your rosy cookie gases!"[257]
  • "What's the best way to piss off an indie rock snob? Actually enjoy music."[225]
  • "That may be the greatest non-sequitur in human history"[258]
  • "There needs to be a word for those brief moments of clarity where you realize how profoundly weird your life is."[259]
  • "I just... tripped over my gigantic wang. Happens all the time. Damn thing's like a malicious ball python."[260]
  • "The hangover is the worst part of Mistake Whiskey, though. Instead of caffeine and aspirin you need distance and perspective and they don't sell those at the drugstore."[261]
  • "...guh?"[21]
  • "It's not my fault I'm a delicate flower."[262]
  • "Mm. Waffles."[263]
  • "...this will be the most efficient way of blotting out the realization that my computer has a more active love life than me."[264]
  • "Seriously, make sure you get off the train at Orgasm-town. The next five stops are all in Bitter-Recrimination-ville, and that's a really bad neighborhood."[265]
  • "Gah, I can feel your hands through my hoodie! They're freezing! I've fucked corpses warmer than you!"[266]
  • "Who needs flowers and chocolate when you've got Hitler's brain in a jar?"[267]
  • "I should really just clonk you on the head right now, but somehow it feels uncharitable."[268]
  • "I make barely twenty thousand dollars a year. I have thousands of dollars in student loans to pay off, and I can barely afford to pay my rent each month and still buy food. I hate my job, but because of this shitty economy, I can't afford to quit and find a job I actually like."[19]
  • "I just spent the night with a hot chick who can quote Poison lyrics at will. I win so hard."[222]
  • "She's a problem for me like a porch light is a problem for a moth."[269]
  • "Man, I'd be the worst praying mantis ever. 'Oh sure, you can bite my head off without mating with me, I understand. You have ISSUES.'"[270]
  • "You try being used as a human shield by a scimitar-wielding monk and see how your bladder holds up!"[271]
  • "Hmm...nope, too late. I'm fuckin' you in the ear just to make sure."[272]
  • "Science Daddy Science Daddy can't you see/sometimes your research just hypnotizes me"[273]
  • "I gave up around where they introduced Irrational Birthday Integers."[134]
  • "I'll have a double racist-grandma on the rocks."[274]
  • "What do you know about Pokemon?"[135]
  • "Am I the one being hazed?"[275]
  • "Lighten up. Life's short, you gotta stop and smell the first-edition Melvilles along the way.[119]
  • "I have no idea why we're playing dodgeball, just go with it."[276]
  • "My girlfriend is cooing over my boss's vulva like it was a newborn kitten."[97]
  • "My life hasn't stopped being completely fucking bizarre since you said 'hi' that first time."[277]
  • "I have the weirdest friends"[278]
  • "Stop talking and let me be happy for you"[279]
  • "Last night felt totally natural. Kissing you felt totally natural. Sitting here with my arm around you feels totally natural, so I think we can just take it as it comes and we'll talk to each other, and figure out what needs figuring out."


Apartment layout[]

Apartment layout

This is a general layout of how Marten and Faye have their apartment set up. The area between the two rooms is the closet for each individual room.



  1. 1.0 1.1 Number 1564: Tai's A Secret Girl
  2. 2.0 2.1 Number 134: Awesome Dragon Poster
  3. 3.0 3.1 3.2 Number 1835: The Misfit
  4. Count of character appearances
  5. 5.0 5.1 5.2 Number 431: Mama I'm Comin' Home
  6. Number 965: I'd See It
  7. cast.php
  8. 8.0 8.1 Number 253: The Two Old Guys From The Muppets
  9. archived
  10. Number 433: Ye Olde Backstorey
  11. 11.0 11.1 Number 435: Jumping On The Bandwagon
  12. Number 2355: Cool Moms Vs. Cool Dads
  13. Number 2378: Road Trip Report
  14. 14.0 14.1 Number 460: Look For It At Barnes And Noble
  15. Number 162: Finishing Move
  16. Number 1989: Hot Cross Buns
  17. 17.0 17.1 Number 2062: No Last Names
  18. Number 276: Lady-Classes
  19. 19.0 19.1 Number 37: Misery Loves Booze
  20. 20.0 20.1 Number 1305: All In The Family
  21. 21.0 21.1 Number 4: Faye Cuts to the Chase
  22. Number 5: Chicks Dig Disc Drives
  23. Number 10: Coffeeshop Lust
  24. Number 9: Two Ships Passing in Broad Daylight
  25. Number 14: Vegan Beef
  26. Number 22: The Most Dangerous Toast
  27. Number 28: Drama!Number 30: Sudden Realizations
  28. Number 41: Low Blow
  29. Number 185: Atheism
  30. Number 63: Henry Rollins
  31. Number 19: Better Than A Roll Of Dimes
  32. Number 25: The Look Of Doom
  33. Number 1807: The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald
  34. Number 500: The Talk, Part 1Number 509: The Talk, Part 10
  35. 35.0 35.1 Number 564: If You Need Me I Can Always Be Found
  36. Number 280: Moving On Up
  37. Number 281: I Prefer The Trebuchet
  38. Number 461: She Must Really Be Stressed
  39. Number 75: Provocative
  40. Number 77: Rawr
  41. Number 100: Bad TimingNumber 101: Airplane Simile
  42. Number 108: Mysterious Tattoo
  43. Number 200: Look On The Bright Side
  44. Number 223: Encrypted Transmission
  45. Number 225: Comin' HomeNumber 229: Awww
  46. Number 568: God Damn I Am Such A Jerk
  47. Number 508: The Talk, Part 9
  48. Number 565: There'll Be No More Dinner Bells To Ring
  49. Number 582: Worst Case Scenario
  50. Number 592: Terrifyingly Happy
  51. 51.0 51.1 Number 610: From Anxiety To Sarcasm In 60 Seconds
  52. Number 702: All The Engineers In The House Say Heyo
  53. Number 778: The Horse Is Dead, Dora
  54. Number 737: Put Back In His Place
  55. Number 857: Snip Snip
  56. Number 515: Smokin' In The Boys' Room?
  57. Number 521: Those Are Not Words
  58. Number 525: Funny Ha Ha
  59. Number 528: She Let It Slip
  60. Number 529: Technically She's Trespassing Now
  61. Number 556: Be Prepared
  62. Number 531: Ye Olde BBS
  63. Number 558: Threats!
  64. Number 723: I Hate Snakes
  65. Number 635: Stabbity
  66. Number 667: Axe Body Spray
  67. Number 1607: What Possible Purpose
  68. Number 1609: Thanks, I Guess?
  69. Number 1659: Flailure
  70. Number 907: He's Got The Touch, All Right
  71. Number 1493: At Least She's Being Generous
  72. Number 1885: Hanneluminol
  73. Number 2104: He Seees
  74. 74.0 74.1 Number 52: Semi-Autobiographical
  75. Number 54: Springsteen Would Win In A Fight
  76. Number 256: Sad Guitar
  77. Number 486: It Isn't Safe
  78. Number 554: A Democratic Decision
  79. Number 845: Amir Will Work Pro Bono
  80. Number 862: Mellencamp, Lee Hooker, And Lennon
  81. Number 864: Actually They Do It In Every Song
  82. Number 909: How Is "Rokk" Pronounced Differently Than "Rock?"
  83. Number 926: Suicidal Insanity
  84. Number 930: Siren SongNumber 931: This One Goes Out To My Homies At Harmonix
  85. 85.0 85.1 Number 1178: Disproportionate Response
  86. Number 85: Still Better Than Telemarketing
  87. Number 620: Har Har
  88. Number 624: Poor Kitten
  89. Number 658: Put 'Em On The Glass
  90. Number 691: That One Never Gets Old
  91. Number 685: I'd Have Gone Back To The Bar Too
  92. Number 720: Random Encounter!Number 721: Speed Lines Equal INTENSITY
  93. Number 732: Bad Color Scheme
  94. Number 739: Zoinks!Number 750: There Is Probably A Band Named The Geneva Convention
  95. Number 776: Beware Trucks
  96. Number 1245: From Forward Into ReverseNumber 1247: Some Liberties Taken
  97. 97.0 97.1 Number 1249: Good Thing They Still Have It
  98. Number 1034: EnigmaNumber 1036: Oh So Feminine
  99. Number 1040: Over The Bodies Of The FallenNumber 1045: No Jokes About Gargling, Please
  100. Number 1581: I Groaned So Hard
  101. Number 1066: Magna CartaNumber 1067: This Would Explain The Homoeroticism
  102. Number 1095: Sauce Of The Hottest Variety
  103. Number 1322: Or Stop Showering
  104. Number 1324: A CallbackNumber 1327: Seriously, Worse And Worse
  105. Number 1741: AwwwOHSHITNumber 1744: Did She Break The Latch?
  106. 106.0 106.1 Number 1796: Here We Go Again
  107. Number 1799: Tracking Sounds Alone
  108. Number 1803: No One's Gonna Love You
  109. Number 1203: Never Question The Hat
  110. Number 1204: I Have Been Playing Too Much Soul Calibur 4
  111. Number 1806: I'll Be By Your Side
  112. Number 1845: Everywhere Is The Same
  113. Number 1907: Work Up To It
  114. Number 1941: The Permanence Of Coffee
  115. Number 1942: It's Too Late For Him
  116. Number 1949: Obey Or Get Out
  117. Number 1966: Catching Up
  118. Number 2203: Hubbert's Peak
  119. 119.0 119.1 Number 2207: 1851 Vintage
  120. Number 2214: Overambitious
  121. Number 2217: A Multitude Of Options
  122. Number 2013: Fifth Wheel
  123. Number 2017: Momo Is Hilarious
  124. Number 2020: Going, Going...
  125. Number 2057: Bras Are Hard To Draw
  126. Number 2074: On The Double
  127. Number 2095: Gastrointestinally Yours
  128. Number 2099: Farewell To Thee
  129. Number 2104: He Seees
  130. Number 2105: Sure Whatever
  131. Number 2117: Photonomicon
  132. Number 2134: Cybersanity
  133. Number 2128: Discrete Happiness
  134. 134.0 134.1 Number 2130: Imaginary Christmases
  135. 135.0 135.1 Number 2138: Tensor Tension
  136. Number 2140: Helping Things Along
  137. Number 2151: Take Her, Please
  138. Number 2153: Dude's Got Game
  139. Number 2195: Mack-Less
  140. Number 2287: Envelope Of Doom
  141. Number 2289: Me-Vite
  142. Number 2298: And Also Bananas
  143. Number 2322: Location, Location, Location
  144. Number 2323: Willingly Ignorant
  145. Number 2324: Coffee Talk
  146. Number 2219: Got Get 'Er
  147. Number 2227: Awww Yeah
  148. Number 2246: Tai Goes Hard
  149. Number 2268: The Dora WhispererNumber 2269: The Lonely Advice Columnist
  150. Number 2374: Also Introduced Pythons
  151. Number 2374: Also Introduced Pythons
  152. Number 2376: Poor Planning Indeed
  153. Number 2377: Gone In A Flash
  154. Number 2382: That Ginn Boy
  155. Number 2399: Stadtkind
  156. Number 2405: You Should've Seen It
  157. Number 2406: Sleepy Etiquette
  158. Number 2408: Let's Go Have Some Cereal
  159. Number 2411: Mystery!
  160. archived
  161. Number 2418: Attack Of Conscience
  162. Number 2431: Apocalyptic Kindness
  163. Number 2432: Lorazepanic
  164. Number 2433: Pops When Opened
  165. Number 2458: The Order Of The Paddle
  166. Number 2481: Begging To Be Optioned
  167. Number 2484: A Surprising Number Of Results
  168. Number 2680: >:|
  169. Number 2705: Together Indeed
  170. Number 2723: Bread And Salt
  171. Number 2724: Mission J Frog
  172. Number 2731: Metal Gear Emily
  173. Number 2732: -1 Shirt
  174. Number 2735: Unmitigated Harassment
  175. Number 2736: What A Day
  176. Number 2737: It's Therapeutic
  177. Number 2757: The Call Of The Wild
  178. Number 2767: Incredible Crisis
  179. Number 2769: Special Grapes
  180. Number 2790: Care And Preparation
  181. Number 2795: The Inevitable Question
  182. Number 2796: Peep Peep Peep
  183. Number 2798: Claire Knows What's Up
  184. Number 2799: Floofy
  185. Number 2799: FloofyNumber 2801: Cooler Heads
  186. Number 2803: Me Too
  187. Number 2805: Also, Free Pancakes
  188. Number 2807: Nose Grows Some
  189. Number 2836: They're Both Pretty3840: Payload
  190. Number 2877: Out With It
  191. Number 2881: Heavy StuffNumber 2885: Gimme That Bear
  192. Number 2890: Comfort
  193. Number 2892: Maybe Some Contacts
  194. Number 2972: The Handoff
  195. 195.0 195.1 Number 2974: Millions Of Peaches
  196. Number 2975: Or A Multitool
  197. Number 2976: Storm's A-Comin'
  198. Number 2978: That Mug Is Terrifying
  199. Number 2979: EmpathyNumber 2980: The Talk 2: Talk Harder
  200. Number 2988: All Work And No PlayNumber 2989: First Rule
  201. Number 3037: Or Unicycles, For That Matter
  202. Number 3040: It's All In The DeliveryNumber 3041: Poof
  203. 3819: Student Loan Entanglement3821: Organs.csv
  204. 3824: On The Same Page
  205. Number 645: Reverse Alcoholism
  206. Number 1024: Feeding The Rule 34 Beast
  207. Number 1302: Coulda Been A Sailor
  208. Number 1770: Better Than You Can Imagine
  209. Number 1361: Specialsaurus Has Heartburn
  210. 210.0 210.1 Number 1805: Executioner's Blues
  211. Number 1004: More Of An Herbal Tea, Really
  212. Number 1923: Naked And Covered In War Paint
  213. Number 1964: Guten Abend
  214. Number 465: Lego With An Attitude
  215. Number 1541: There Really Are Hot Ones
  216. Number 1279: Weedmaster P Is Her Dealer
  217. Number 332: One-Upsmanship
  218. Number 578: He Swears It Was An Accident
  219. Number 482: Still Awaiting Actual Knighthood
  220. Number 548: Belle And Sebitchslap?
  221. Number 1530: Hey's Very Tall In Real Life
  222. 222.0 222.1 Number 606: 606s Are Pretty Cool Drum Machines
  223. Number 802: Dirty Laundry
  224. Number 1891: External Monologue Issues
  225. 225.0 225.1 Number 550: They Were Wrong So We Complained
  226. Number 56: Also Songs About Cloning
  227. Number 1199: Really More Of An Early Anthrax Fan, Anyway
  228. Number 2614: Laundry
  229. Number 1816: My Heart Is Not At Peace
  230. Number 479: BitTorrents Are Forever
  231. Number 72: Failure Was Awesome
  232. Number 27: No Love For The Emo
  233. Number 1737: Hidden Criteria???
  234. Number 1735: I Bless The Rains
  235. Number 1739: What About A Metal Cover Version?
  236. Number 2265: My Last Apartment Was Like This
  237. Number 412: Pissing Off The Punks
  238. Number 1107: And Justice For All
  239. Number 401: Just Because You're Paranoid
  240. Number 2616: Djent Circle
  241. Number 1262: New Model Year
  242. Number 371: There Is No Stopping Him
  243. Number 1743: They'll Be A Little Short, Too
  244. Number 1902: Oh God That FACE
  245. Number 2332: Insider Talk
  246. Number 2288: It's More Of A Stadium
  247. Number 11: The Wrong Thing at the Wrong Time
  248. Number 1982: Reach For That Brass Ring
  249. Number 2101: Deed And Title
  251. Number 687: I Would Too
  252. Number 1313: I Will Never Get Tired Of That Winslow Face
  253. archived
  254. Number 76: I Want That Mug
  255. Number 212: Does Thinkgeek Sell Pampers?
  256. Number 646: Hemi Innit?
  257. Number 73: Clear The Room
  258. Number 1245: From Forward Into Reverse
  259. Number 1666: Present-Shock
  260. Number 676: I Love That Game
  261. Number 788: AKA Tequila
  262. Number 1589: A Rose In A Whirlwind
  263. Number 510: Breakfast of Champions
  264. Number 292: The Hobo Fixes All
  265. Number 1701: Cookie Cthulhu- The Cookie That Eats YOU
  266. Number 772: I Miss Sexy Losers
  267. Number 1165: Not Quite As Good As Rasputin's Wang, Though
  268. Number 744: Poor UI
  269. Number 365: Or Maybe A Bug-Zapper
  270. Number 520: Hlhgbaulh
  271. Number 696: Guest Starring John Woo
  272. Number 1572: Nothing Says Love Like...
  273. Number 2113: Biggie Ain't Dead
  274. Number 2136: Emotohol
  275. Number 2205: Some Sort Of Bizarre Gauntlet
  276. Number 2212: Training Montage
  277. Number 534: Living A Decemberists Song
  278. Number 1419: His Savior
  279. Number 2707: Blah Blah
  280. Number 2947: Let's Recap