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Coffee of Doom[1] is a coffee shop, owned and operated by Dora Bianchi in Northampton, Massachusetts. It is popular among the alternative community and favorably reviewed for its icy customer service.[2]. It is open from 7 AM except on weekends[3] and stays open well into the evening.[4]

BackgroundEdit

LocationEdit

COD frontal

Hannelore waits outside the front of the shop.

Coffee of Doom is in a 100-year-old building[5] near Fresh Cuts Salon and Panda House.[6][7] Originally Panda House is shown on a perpendicular street[8] but later is visible face-on from the window[9] and back again[10].

It is within walking distance of Smif College and the apartment building at 144 Dwight Street, where Faye, Marten, and Hannelore live.

In a recent Q&A dump on Tumblr,[11] Jeph indicated "the closest equivalent (to Coffee of Doom) is probably the Haymarket, but... Rao’s in Thorne’s Marketplace has better coffee."

Operations and EmployeesEdit

CoD240

The coffee shoop with previous paint. Number 240: Ursa Ursa Ursa

The coffee shop has been repainted from   to  .[12] The new colors were chosen by Raven.[13]

Coffee of Doom has been in Dora's hands for a couple of years.[14]

Coffee of Doom employees currently include many of the characters, including Penny, Hannelore, Dale, and Cosette, while former employees include Raven (who has since returned to work there)[15], Faye, and Sara. After Faye was fired, Dora accidentally hired Emily on while she was trying to rearrange jobs and promote Penelope to assistant manager.

The shop is busy[16] and profitable,[17] but does not provide Dora a large income.[18] She has enough business to have recently taken on Hannelore and Cosette (and, most recently, Dale) as new employees, but worries about its future[14] despite increasing sales.[19] A typical weekday sales volume is 257 cups.[16]

Dora has turned down an offer, possibly made in jest, from Hannelore's mother Beatrice Chatham to finance an expansion into a national chain.[20]

Customer "Service"Edit

Customer service for rude customers is actively hostile.[21][22] There is favoritism toward some customers,[23] with some such as Dale being allowed to order from the secret menu.[24] Prior to her first visit, Claire heard a rumor that the banana smoothies given to customers are bananas smashed with a hammer.[25] This became Emily's preferred drink. [26]

Baristas are specifically trained to be contemptuous to the general public.[27]

Drinks, "Specials" and Other OfferingsEdit

See also: Coffee of Doom specials
Tumblr mjm8ghsfbd1qzlnwmo1 500

Official logo from Jeph Jacques

The coffee there is fair trade.[28]

They offer WiFi to guests.[29]

Coffee of Doom is a veritable armory, equipped with a broadsword behind the counter,[30] a 9-iron for customers who order overly complicated drinks,[31] and a Malaysian Battle Spatula.[32] Coffee of Doom is home to many of the strip's weapons.

Coffee of Doom is noteworthy for unusual and creative specials.

Its baked goods came from Ed Bronchovsky in Greenfield[33] prior to a deal with The Secret Bakery to exchange beans for baked goods.[34]

Robots frequent Coffee of Doom to purchase teas to smell. Different brews were shown to have different effects, causing the robots to have hallucinations about peaceful locations. Dora once sold a bucket full of drain cleaner to Melon for a similar effect for five bucks and after she signed a waiver. [35]

LayoutEdit

CoffeeOfDoomLayout

The front of the store is to the left, while the back (the alley where Faye is usually seen taking out the garbage) is on the right.

The sink is right behind the baked goods case; directly overhead is the mug shelf with the famous COD Emoticon mugs.

There is a basement, where Dora roasts beans[36] weekly[3] in a secret process[37] of which she is quite proud.[38] Dora has considered remodeling it as a cafe.[39] Although the basement has an infestation of spiders it is free of rats, at least to Dora's knowledge.[40] Hannelore put a large arm chair in the back of the store meant for Bubbles because of her mass and weight.

Raven once got stuck in an air duct, trying to get into the coffeeshop from the roof.[41]

Trivia Edit

  • Coffee of Doom has appeared in the comic Dumbing of Age. Character Dina of has been seen wearing a Coffee of Doom t-shirt.[42]
  • "Fresh Cuts Salon" is across the street from the coffeeshop.[43]

Memorable quotes Edit

  • "Bitchy Barista Babes Brandish A Bevy of Breathtaking Bean Blends"[44]

References

  1. Name fully shown in Number 102: CursesNumber 107: Marten Gets Sassy
  2. Number 651: Doin' The Force Choke
  3. 3.0 3.1 Number 1924: Capital Insubordination
  4. Number 2176: Start 'Em Young
  5. Number 2555: Organic Hair Nets
  6. Number 795: You Don't Sass Faye
  7. Number 717: Oh Come, All Ye Faithful
  8. Number 724: Details Details
  9. Number 1978: Triumphant Return
  10. Number 2585: Employee Contacts
  11. http://jephjacques.com/day/2012/08/22
  12. Number 425: Best Alliteration Thus Far
  13. Number 421: Faye Shot JR
  14. 14.0 14.1 Number 1217: Mercenary Chixxx
  15. Number 1943: Her Blemfrem
  16. 16.0 16.1 Number 1938: Is She A Fast Zombie Or A Slow Zombie
  17. Number 442: Wallet Photo
  18. Number 1107: And Justice For All
  19. Number 2221: Eusocial Life
  20. Number 924: Almost Definitely Apocryphal
  21. Number 81: No Peeking
  22. Number 360: Consult Your English Textbooks
  23. Number 653: That Is A Happy Cactus
  24. Number 1640: Everybody Likes Dale
  25. Number 2209: Which One is Dilbert
  26. Number 2210: Everything Looks Like a Nail
  27. Number 1721: Facial Recognition
  28. Number 419: Venti Schmenti
  29. Number 1616: Laundry Larceny
  30. Number 468: She's A Barbarian
  31. Number 1723: An Extensive Armory
  32. Number 540: Utensils Of Doom
  33. Number 1858: At Least They're Getting Along?
  34. Number 1928: Is That Krav Maga?
  35. 3728: A Steal at Any Price
  36. Number 2466: Highway To It
  37. Number 1923: Naked And Covered In War Paint
  38. Number 1926: To The Winner, The Spoils
  39. https://twitter.com/dorabianchi/status/10004309332
  40. https://twitter.com/dorabianchi/status/10004356215
  41. Number 850: Yippie Kai Yay
  42. http://www.dumbingofage.com/2018/comic/book-9-comic/01-flyin-to-the-red/terrorturkey/
  43. Number 2430: No Scaring The Customers
  44. Number 651: Doin' The Force Choke
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