Coffee of Doom

Coffee of Doom^[1] is a coffee shop, owned and operated by Dora Bianchi in Northampton, Massachusetts. It is popular among the alternative community and favorably reviewed for its icy customer service.^[2]. It is open from 7 AM except on weekends^[3] and stays open well into the evening.^[4]

Location[]

COD frontal — Hannelore waits outside the front of the shop in Number 1719: Go To Your Happy Place.

Coffee of Doom is in a 100-year-old building^[5] near Fresh Cuts Salon and Panda House.^[6]^[7] Originally Panda House is shown on a perpendicular street^[8] but later is visible face-on from the window^[9] and back again^[10].

It is within walking distance of Smif College and the apartment building at 144 Dwight Street, where Faye, Marten, and Hannelore live.

In a recent Q&A dump on Tumblr,^[11] Jeph indicated "the closest equivalent (to Coffee of Doom) is probably the Haymarket, but... Rao’s in Thorne’s Marketplace has better coffee."^[12]

They offer WiFi to guests.^[13]

Coffee of Doom is a veritable armory, equipped with a broadsword behind the counter,^[14] a 9-iron for customers who order overly complicated drinks,^[15] and a Malaysian Battle Spatula.^[16] Coffee of Doom is home to many of the strip's weapons.

History[]

CoD240 — The coffee shoop with previous paint. Number 240: Ursa Ursa Ursa

The coffee shop has been a pale almond color for a long time. Raven chooses new colors .^[17] Faye Whitaker and Dora repaint to the new pastel orange color .^[18]

Beatrice Chatham, mother of Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham, offers to finance an expansion of the coffee shop into a national chain, but Dora turns down the offer.^[19]

Raven Pritchard returns to the shop after studying.^[20] Shortly after, she tinkers with the Espressosaur and makes it disappear.^[21]

Faye Whitaker and Hannelore check out the pastry in The Secret Bakery, and Faye with Padma come up with a deal to exchange pastry from the Bakery for coffee from Coffee of Doom.^[22] Then Jim and Dora make the deal official.^[23] Unfortunately, Dora forgets to prepare the roast for The Secret Bakery when Eliott and Jim bring the first delivery of the baked goods to the coffeeshop. To hold up her end of the deal, she gives up the day's roast for Coffee of Doom.^[24]

Dora catches Faye drunk on the job, and fires her on the spot.^[25] After Faye was fired, Dora promotes Penny to assistant manager to fill the spot and then accidentally hires Emily.^[26]

Status[]

Coffee of Doom has been in Dora's hands for a couple of years.^[27] The shop is busy^[28] and profitable,^[29] but does not provide Dora a large income.^[30]

She has enough business to have recently taken on Hannelore and Cosette (and, most recently, Dale) as new employees, but worries about its future^[27] despite increasing sales.^[31] A typical weekday sales volume is 257 cups.^[28]

Employees[]

Dora1 — First appearance of Dora and her coffeeshop in Number 75: Provocative.

Dora Bianchi – owner, manager
Penelope Gaines – assistant manager
Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham – barista
Cosette Hurlbut – barista
Emily Azuma - barista

Former employees[]

Sara – barista
Raven Pritchard – stopped working as a barista to spend more time studying.
Faye Whitaker – former assistant manager
Dale – barista

Customer "Service"[]

Customer service for rude customers is actively hostile.^[32]^[33] There is favoritism toward some customers,^[34] with some such as Dale being allowed to order from the secret menu.^[35] Prior to her first visit, Claire heard a rumor that the banana smoothies given to customers are bananas smashed with a hammer.^[36] This became Emily's preferred drink. ^[37]

Baristas are specifically trained to be contemptuous to the general public.^[38]

Menu[]

See also: Coffee of Doom specials

Tumblr mjm8ghsfbd1qzlnwmo1 500 — Official logo from Jeph Jacques

The coffee there is fair trade.^[39]

Coffee of Doom is noteworthy for unusual and creative specials.

Its baked goods came from Ed Bronchovsky in Greenfield^[40] prior to a deal with The Secret Bakery to exchange beans for baked goods.^[41]

Robots frequent Coffee of Doom to purchase teas to smell. Different brews were shown to have different effects, causing the robots to have hallucinations about peaceful locations. Dora once sold a bucket full of drain cleaner to Melon for a similar effect for five bucks and after she signed a waiver. ^[42]

Layout[]

The front of the store is to the left, while the back (the alley where Faye is usually seen taking out the garbage) is on the right.

The sink is right behind the baked goods case; directly overhead is the mug shelf with the famous COD Emoticon mugs.

There is a basement, where Dora roasts beans^[43] weekly^[3] in a secret process^[44] of which she is quite proud.^[45] Dora has considered remodeling it as a cafe.^[46] Although the basement has an infestation of spiders it is free of rats, at least to Dora's knowledge.^[47] Hannelore put a large arm chair in the back of the store meant for Bubbles because of her mass and weight.

Raven once got stuck in an air duct, trying to get into the coffeeshop from the roof.^[48]

Trivia[]

Coffee of Doom has appeared in the comic Dumbing of Age. Character Dina of has been seen wearing a Coffee of Doom t-shirt.^[49]
"Fresh Cuts Salon" is across the street from the coffeeshop.^[50]

Memorable quotes[]

"Bitchy Barista Babes Brandish A Bevy of Breathtaking Bean Blends"^[51]